I've missed y'all.
I've been busy at work, busy at home, happy with friends, engaged in my reading, deeply crazy in love with my husband, really enjoying my kids, depressed as fuck about our predictable descent into fascism, trying to exercise and eat well and drink less wine, failing at the wine (
see fascism), doing well with the exercise, and doing okay with the food. I've been watching The Pitt (OBSESSED. I've watched the 6:00 episode about 6 times) and the new season of Top Chef while I walk on my treadmill. I've been reading- mostly re-reading because I feel like I've read every good romantasy book there is, but occasionally also trying a new one.
I've been with my family - really just WITH them. Tonight after work I baked a carrot cake from scratch for my dad's birthday (we're driving to Houston on Saturday) and while I hand-grated an entire bag of carrots we were watching The Mighty Ducks 2 and all just chatting and laughing and Landon was doing my dishes as I dirtied them and Cora and Claire were drying them and we were heating up leftovers because who can make dinner when you're also baking a cake and it was just... it was perfect. I mean, it's not, but it is and I've just been LIVING in our day to day so much I never seem to open my personal computer.
But I've missed y'all. (Maggie has too.)
I've given myself 15 minutes for a quick update, because while I've been doing all of the above, I've also been sleeping 8 hours almost every night. Every since I got my anti-anxiety dosage right about 2 years ago I've learned that sleep is the most wonderful thing in the world and all my claims of "I don't need much sleep" were actually some absolute anxiety-disordered bullshit.
Sleep is the best.
James and I are usually in bed before the kids, high-fiving each other and yelling at the big kids to bring us their phones (they charge in our room) and to make good choices about going to bed themselves. Sometimes I have to work late, and that's fine, but most nights, I'm in bed with lights out by 10 pm and I'm not sure I've ever felt this grounded. Bedtime is the best time. It just took me 40 years to figure that out.
[Quick break because Cora wanted me to braid her hair before bed, because apparently we're in the Victorian era.]
Let's see random notable things from the past month:
I had another
styling appointment and Ayron (Bonnie's protege, now my stylist) made beautiful outfits with clothes I already own.
I do so little shopping now.
I think I had added one new pair of pants and a short sleeved sweater in the previous 3 months before Ayron came. I'm still wearing daily the basics I bought with Bonnie in the spring of 2022 and adding a fun new item every now and then.
My firm partner retreat was last week and I love shopping in my closet for great things to wear to the various programming, knowing that I have a good wardrobe base to pull from.
There was an official photographer and there are like 15 pictures of me getting fitted for a cowboy hat. Hilariously I never wear hats, and certainly not cowboy hats, but I look VERY SERIOUS about my cowboy hat fitting in the series of photos.
And I did enjoy the hat I ultimately chose!
I wore it to a fancy steakhouse dinner on the last night and I really vibed with the black hat energy.
I also learned American Mahjong at the retreat and I am now obsessed. It is SO hard and I also took it VERY SERIOUSLY.
I played 4 games and focused SO MUCH and never won any, but I immediately bought my own set anyway when I got home. I now need people to play with. And a tutor because it's possible I've forgotten what I learned.
Also at the retreat I took a picture of the top of my head for no reason I can recall and was shocked, absolutely GOBSMACKED, to discover I had gray hairs all over it. I immediately texted James to blame him for not telling me. He's 7" taller than me- how could he not have noticed?
The very next day I was in the chair of my fancy friend's hair colorist and he magically matched my hair so that we only dyed the first 2" inches off my scalp and nothing else and I LOVE IT.
I now look exactly like what I thought I looked like and that's exactly what I wanted.
So I'm a person who dyes her hair now. I already have my next appointment booked. Turns out, it's a fairly regular thing.
The kids! The kids are so good. Swimming, schooling, soccering, banqueting, etc.
On Wednesday night we were eating dinner on our screened-in patio and everyone was chatting and laughing and there was a moment when I just reached for James's hand under the table and held it and squeezed it and thought, this is everything I wanted my life to be. There is so much love and teasing and stories and LIFE at this table. And we built this, him and I, and I'm so grateful for every bit of it. Our 20th wedding anniversary is this fall and while I have always found my marriage to be the easiest aspect of my life, we have also certainly had some really tough times, especially when our kids were very young and we were so unbelievably tired and felt so alone and the road felt so long and now- now, I have these awesome teenagers and this closeknit family and I wish I could have told my exhausted 24-year-old self that while holding a tiny angry baby Landon and trying to graduate law school.
We do Forced Family Fun Time on Sundays (starting at 4 pm you must be home; no friends can be over; you have to be in the main family room/kitchen area; no phones) and this Sunday I decided the kids needed to learn Blitz (the greatest of card games) and Landon was so terrible. And he's so good at almost everything that this was a real learning experience for him. At one point he was just frozen in place, eyes glazed over, as he watched all the cards and hands fly around the table, and I just burst out laughing. I want to freeze everything all the time. How can he possibly go to college in a little over a year?
Cora and I played Battleship and she employed Milo as a teammember/spy and it worked because she beat me soundly, so next time he's on my team.
And my time is up. Off to bed with my current book (Lady of Shadows, #2 in a series. #1 was kind of a slog but #2 is picking up!) and at least one cat. I hope that you're all doing well and able to find your own little pockets of joy. (And if you have any book recs, let me know!!)
