Nameless

As I've previously mentioned, our baby girl has no name. We still have 20 weeks to figure this out (or 15, if she's like Landon), but now that she's a she, and seems so much more real because of that knowledge, I don't like that she is nameless. Our hypothetical second baby boy was named. He still is named in fact, and until I'm certain he won't exist, either because we decide against having a third child or because that third child is a girl (oh my god, how will I name two female children?), I'm not sharing it. But I never had many names on my girl list, and the few I had were immediately pulled off when I thought of actually naming our baby. My daughter, possibly the only daughter I will ever name.

JP and I went through the list of the top 200 girl names last night and between the two us vetoed all but 2. And we're not in love with the two. You see I'm very picky about names. I don't like names that are made up, names that have bizarre spellings, names that are unique to the point of weirdness, names that are overly common (i.e. not in the top 25; I was so pissed when "Landon" sky rocketed from 73 to 23 the year after he was born), and names that can be shortened into nicknames (ex: William because I don't like Will, Bill, or Billy. Both JP and I have names with very common nicknames and we both hate those nicknames and how frequently people try to use them. Now that the 80's are over people don't try to shorten mine as much, but people are constantly trying to give JP a name he doesn't respond to).

So it's tricky. I actually love names- hearing about them, reading lists of them- I have to stop myself from asking for people for their middle names and sibling names when I meet them. And it really freaks them out when those names come up and I remember them months later. But for as much as I like names generally, I like very, very few when it comes to actually attaching them to my children.

Ironically, Landon's name came quickly and easily. It's the name of a private school where JP grew up (side note: tuition is $28-29,000 A YEAR. per child. for all the years they are in school from third to twelfth grade. who can afford this?) and he mentioned liking the name fairly early in the pregnancy (his only remotely acceptable suggestion). Then the first time I felt our baby boy kick after our sonogram I exclaimed, "Landon just kicked me!" and his name was set. That has not worked this time as she's been kicking me all morning and inspiration has failed to strike.

I do remember a week or two of deep name-doubt after Landon was born. I'd stare at him and think: Do I really like his name? Do I just think I like it because I've been calling him that for 4 months? Does he look like a Landon? What does a Landon look like? Landon. Lan-don. Lannnndonnnnn. Maybe it sounds weird? Oh my god my child has a weird name. How hard is it to change a birth certificate. Do I like any other names? Oh, he's awake, never mind, it's fine.

For the record, I do like his name, though I can't help but wish I'd thought of the name we're holding for potential boy #2 back when I was pregnant the first time. Landon loves his name and delights in making us write it over and over for him to point at and say, "That's my name!" He even made a joke about it on our car ride home from the Houston last weekend. We'd just stopped at Dairy Queen so I could get a chocolate dipped cone and french fries (hey I'm pregnant, no judging). Landon asked for a fry and I said, "sure sweetheart" as I passed one back to him. Without missing a beat he said, "No mama, I'm called Landon!" and then laughed hysterically. My toddler made a joke! They grow up so fast.

So, a name. We need one. I'm sure we'll think of something, I just hope it's sooner rather than later. I like being able to refer to the baby bouncing around in my belly as something other than pronouns.