The Happiness

Thank you all for your comments yesterday, they were so nice to read throughout a difficult morning.

I call these posts "The Balancing Act" because that's really what it is. Juggling sounds too haphazard and doesn't feel right for this life that works so well most of the time. Some days the scale leans too heavy on one side, but it's always just a lean, and luckily so far it soon tips back. Yesterday afternoon at 3:30 I walked into the senior associate's office and we started talking about being working moms (she has two little ones). We chatted for a while and she mentioned that I had been doing a fantastic job and the partner was going out of town so I should head home early. I found myself telling her about the weepy morning and she kicked me out of the office. Told me to go home immediately, play with my son, and log in from home in the morning. I was giddy. I flew down the highway and ran into daycare to scoop up this delightful gentleman who squealed and flapped his hands as he raced into my arms.

(click to enlarge)

It was a gorgeous day. I opened every window, turned up my iTunes, and danced around the house with Landon while we did some Spring cleaning. I (or excuse me, we) pulled the sheets off every bed in the house, washed them, and made up all the rooms for our guests next weekend (ten people coming for Easter, yay!). We rode his tricycle to get the mail (I push from the back, he steers, sometime in the last 3 days he learned right and left) and chased each other in the front yard. JP grilled out chicken breasts and we ate on the back deck while Landon walked back and forth between the two of us chanting "Mama. Dada! Dada. Mama!" When I put him to bed he snuggled in to my neck and sighed with a sleepy little "mama." He went down into the crib without protest and I closed the door knowing that it was the end of one of the most perfect afternoons I'd ever spent.

It was perfect not in its events (doing 4 loads of laundry is actually not my dream afternoon off, though my crush on my washer and dryer helps), but in its rarity and timeliness. Part of the difficulty with Thursday morning was that I didn't see Landon the night before because of my photography class (more on that later). It was the first night I've missed seeing him since November and it was harder on both of us than I expected. He's so much more aware of JP and my actions and presence and while I really, truly believe we're all okay being separated during the day, I've found there's firm limits on that.

I still billed about 6 hours today, but I did it at home, sharing a table with JP. I picked up Landon early and he very proudly presented me with this beautiful "sensory bottle" made of beads, some type of aquatic lizard (corrected: we have now determined it's a whale), and colored water.

 

He's very attached to it. He carefully showed it to each of his three pets, and even left it by their side for several minutes in an ultimate gesture of love (though he did race over to collect it when Lilly tried to bat at the lizard-thing inside). It is so fun being his mother.

I like what I do. I like my firm (a lot). I don't regret this working mom path I'm on. But it's nice to have a few days when the balance is tipped heavier on the mom side than the attorney side.