I flew to Chicago at 6 a.m. last Wednesday morning after a short few hours of fitful sleep for a string of University of Chicago Law School recruiting events. It was helpful to be completely out of my routine I think. I was busy, on campus, not really even sure what year or day it was as I sat in the Green Lounge and stared out at the empty law school fountain they built while I was a student there. I left so early that James had to tell the girls. It was hard. Instead of telling our girls that a highly qualified woman who worked really hard and cares about people CAN be president, we got to inform them that a racist, morally bankrupt (and despite inheriting a fortune, frequently financially bankrupt) man who lies, cheats, rapes, mocks, and incited an actual violent insurrection of the US Capitol Building that killed police officers less than 4 years ago got voted in instead. I don't really know what to do with that.
In Texas, women are dying because our anti-life politicians passed laws that forced a mother to go to three different emergency rooms with her pregnant daughter, bleeding out and diagnosed with sepsis from a miscarriage, sobbing for help, only to have that daughter die a few hours later because the doctors sent her home and delayed care for fear of going to jail for treating her. I picture myself in that position, with Claire or Cora, and I want to scream. I'm so glad my uterus is already gone and I am determined that my girls will not live in this state, or any with laws like it, after they graduate high school.
Candace Fails screamed for someone in the Texas hospital to help her pregnant daughter. “Do something,” she pleaded, on the morning of Oct. 29, 2023.This isn't a post-apocalyptic TV show. This is happening right now where I live. I don't know what to do with a reality like this.
Nevaeh Crain was crying in pain, too weak to walk, blood staining her thighs. Feverish and vomiting the day of her baby shower, the 18-year-old had gone to two different emergency rooms within 12 hours, returning home each time worse than before.
By then, more than two hours after her arrival, Crain’s blood pressure had plummeted and a nurse had noted that her lips were “blue and dusky.” Her organs began failing.
Hours later, she was dead.
Fails, who would have seen her daughter turn 20 this Friday, still cannot understand why Crain’s emergency was not treated like an emergency.
But that is what many pregnant women are now facing in states with strict abortion bans, doctors and lawyers have told ProPublica.
Patients are sometimes bounced between hospitals like “hot potatoes,” with health care providers reluctant to participate in treatment that could attract a prosecutor, doctors told ProPublica. In some cases, medical teams are wasting precious time debating legalities and creating documentation, preparing for the possibility that they’ll need to explain their actions to a jury and judge.
I wish I had something uplifting to say. Our life is good. When my head is down and I focus small, there is such joy and happiness. And I guess for right now microdosing joy is the answer. So I'm going to do that here, but know that underneath it I am just sad. I'm waiting for the anger and inspiration and fire I felt in 2016, but I think the shock spurred me there. This time, the absolute lack of shock that of course the country elected this absolutely vile person to be in charge, even knowing- maybe especially knowing his thin-skinned and petty brand of chaos and cruelty, is maybe even more sad than before.
But today, 11 years ago, Cora Linnae was born. So that is very happy.
You describe the heartbreak so well. I feel lucky to live in a state where my daughter would be safe- for now-- if she found herself in such a terrible situation. Micro joy and eventually I hope to turn to micro actions.
ReplyDeleteI share your sorrow, also living in a frustratingly red state until my kids finish school here. But I do love the pics of Milo and Maggie! Thanks for posting again.
ReplyDeleteFeeling similarly depressed but grateful to live in a blue state (Minnesota). I love how he bambuzzled people into thinking he would lower inflation. I get that economics are confusing but his agenda does not equal lower prices. It’s inflationary. You can’t slap major tariffs on China (and Potentially Mexico) and still get cheap goods at Walmart. Good luck with that! You can’t say you will deport massive numbers of immigrants and have prices declineb But he will just place the blame elsewhere. It all just makes me so sick and then you consider the issue you outlined in this post…
ReplyDeleteI’ve dropped news, am reading more books, and staying away from the day to day. I’m still the same person, I’m still doing the work I need to and I’m supporting my people. I can’t do more than that. We spent about 2 hours helping our college freshman talk thru it (he moved to a swing state but even that one went red). We know our core values are unaffected by this and embracing diversity and equality is just. Because my work is so motivated by social justice, my goal is that he sees this does not change. Our government will move in the wrong direction but not us. Our communities are strong and we will protect each other—we will keep each other safe.
ReplyDeleteThank you, thank you, thank you for writing about the election and highlighting the situation in anti-choice states. It seems like so many bloggers/influencers who are demographically similar to you are choosing to stay silent in the name of “being at peace” or “curating their feeds” or maintaining their online income streams. Please know that your words are appreciated.
ReplyDeleteMicrodosing joy, I love that. I will also have two in college by the next election. We’ve been thinking about putting up all of the Xmas stuff already just to bring a little cheer to the house.
ReplyDeleteI have nothing positive to say about the new administration. Have you seen the list of people he's appointing to important jobs? In the meantime I'll keep reading the blog and help myself to a micro-dose of your joy.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing about this.
ReplyDeleteYes! Thank you so much for writing this, and to all the other bloggers out there sharing their concerns and their feelings. I'm a UK reader and so, in theory, this doesn't affect me, but of course it does. America has a huge global reach and influence and the things that are at risk here can affect us all. I think what I'm trying to say is, we're as worried as you are, you're not on your own.
DeleteDo you follow Heather Cox Richardson? She is a political historian that writes a daily letter summarizing the days news with political history ties. Very informative and factual. On FB or Substack.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing about all of this. I live in Florida and am so upset that the majority of the state passed overturning our strict abortion ban but because it just missed the 60% threshold it didn't pass. I want a third child but already had a high risk pregnancy (twins) and am scared that I'd have to travel to Virginia (!!) to get the support I need.
ReplyDeleteWe left it all out on the field, and it wasn't enough.
ReplyDeleteThat's my consolation. But far as I'm concerned, I'm done. They can call me in two years time, I'll vote. Not volunteering again, ever. It's been all the cycles since 2008 and we just rolled everything back. I hope the ones who chose this get everything they asked for and more.
I'm very very sad as well. I'm trying to focus on the small wins and joys of family life, but am also an immigration lawyer so many of my current (and future) clients' lives are about to get a lot worse on January 20 and the feelings of dread/anger about that tend to outweigh everything else.
ReplyDeleteThank you, LL, for this post. I am queer, and I am so, so afraid - for my marriage, for my trans partner. We live in a blue state and we are both on the birth certificate and now we understand that this isn't enough. Going through the indignity of "second parent adoption" now - to protect our kids at all costs - and swallowing how badly it feels to petition to adopt my own children. I am gutted, by all of it.
ReplyDeleteRegular, independent voters care about reproductive rights too, but unfortunately are being strangled by economic costs in their everyday life. Things that you living in your newly built and professionally decorated mansion, driving your new Lexus, traveling with your family to Europe, and paying a person pick out your clothes have the luxury of not dealing with or understanding. Instead of being singularly focused on Trump and his character flaws, try to understand the fears/worries of your fellow American. Normal working class people just want to give their families the best life they can and their lives have not been better this past four years and they’re tired of being gaslit that everything is better.
ReplyDeleteThis comment is mean spirited. I've been reading this blog for 13+ years and LL has worked SO hard for what she has...if she enjoys some luxury as the fruit of her labor, why does that bother you? Her post clearly touched a nerve with you and perhaps you're feeling a little judged...and you should feel that way. No matter how broke I've been in my life, I've never voted against others' fundamental rights because I think it's going to make Doritos cheaper. I vote for the good of all, even if I'm going to maybe pay more taxes or whatever, and that doesn't include voting for a fascist rapist whose administration poses a real threat to women, the gay community, immigrants, the environment, global stability, the list goes on...
DeleteThe only person trying to gaslight here is you, justifying your own morally reprehensible vote that you cast at the expense of others.
^ THIS!! LL has worked hard for decades to get here. Planned her career out to obtain certain goals and has met them. Good for her. Apparently angry voter voted for republican/Trump, but seems to think wealth should be spread out? Well, then they clearly voted for the wrong party….
Delete