Friday, February 3, 2023
Snow Days for Days - AMA
Dear gentle readers, why isn't there a Season 3 of Bridgerton yet for me to binge while trapped in this house for the rest of my life? Or Never Have I Ever or The Sex Lives of College Girls or a surprise reboot of Veronica Mars? (Speaking of a reboot- I LOVED the first season of Reboot on Hulu and now I saw it's not been renewed and there is no fairness in this life.)
Why yes, we are on Day 4 of no school and general ice-mageddon. Last night in a fit of familial love and cherishment, 100% brought on by the fact that school was supposed to reopen today, we had everyone clean the gameroom together, play an epic ping pong tournament, and then play Skip Bo at the kitchen table. It was delightful. It was supposed to cap off this special time we've had together and send them BACK TO SCHOOL with smiles on their sweet little faces.
Instead we are all still here. Even the bulldog is unamused.
So in honor of having absolutely no updates to share because I haven't left the house since Monday, I thought I'd turn it to you -- ask me anything and I'll answer what I can.
Anything I mentioned but never followed up on? With my extremely sporadic posting these days I'm sure I've left hundreds of threads unfinished. Ask away!
You might want to check out Mismatched on Netflix and Four More Shots Please! on Prime
ReplyDeleteOh thanks!
DeleteHave you watched Call My Agent? It's not as gloriously high-quality trashy as Bridgerton, but it's so much fun. And French!
ReplyDeleteI have not! Adding it to my list. I like to watch bits of shows while I get ready in the morning. Currently on my millionth re-watch of The West Wing but yours sounds more fun.
DeleteThat's funny, I didn't think Call my agent would work for non French viewers as the actors (I mean, the actors playing actors' parts if that makes sense) are iconic for us but maybe not so much for Americans.
DeleteI love the West Wing, although wtaching it now (as opposed to years ago) makes me sad about the state of politics. As regards more recent shows, Parks and Rec absolutely rocks, I can't recommand it enough. We all need a Leslie Knope in our life :-)
Please go back to posting recipes, I used to get the best ideas from you. Also, when are you coming to DC again? We have to finally meet up!
ReplyDeleteI don't cook anymore! Our house manager has actually switched jobs - she's staying Fort Worth and has gone back to the corporate world, so James is doing our recipe searches and menu planning. If we have something particularly good, I'll post it!
DeleteAnd yes! My next few trips are more NY and Miami based but I'll definitely let you know! I'm always making my trips as tight as possible to get back home but I should have something with an open block of time soon!
YEAH!
DeleteYes! We are going on our very own epic adventure through the UT/AZ this summer and I pored over every one of your posts...but I couldn't find the Grand Canyon recap! Did it get lost in the rush to get back to life/work?
ReplyDeleteAh! Yes, it was a casualty of our return to real life. I should find the draft and finish it. The same thing happened with our Curacao trip (never published the last 2 days) and our Iceland trip (never published our last day of adventures). Seems to be a theme!
DeleteHave you seen Queen's Gambit? That was a lot of fun. And another vote for recaps of the last days of your trips!
ReplyDeleteI've watched it 2x through and the last episode at least 5 times. It was so good! Almost made me want to learn chess while also convincing me it is way too hard to try.
DeleteHave you watched Younger on Hulu? It's sooo great. Also, have you watched the Bernie Madoff documentary on Netflix. I would be sooo curious about your take because the SEC does NOT SHOW WELL in this show. They apparently "investigated him" several times and never realized his business was a total and complete sham. This was way before your time in the SEC, but I'd love to hear your thoughts about it! (Side note: my husband and I both work in asset management so documentaries like these are of particular interest to us. They might not be of interest to most of your readers, but if you have thoughts, please email me! I have been thinking about you so much (is that weird?) as we've been watching.)
ReplyDeleteI have watched Younger and it was great! Perfect plane ride fodder- I could download a bunch of episodes for each leg.
DeleteUgh, the Madoff scandal was not a time of glory for the Commission. I will say I think the SEC is better equipped now to uncover complex frauds than it used to be, but it is very hard to dig under layers of legitimacy to get to the information that makes it all fall apart. I usually stay away from those documentaries because they're either too real or too sad or, usually, both but James loves them. I'll have to tell him to check out the one on Netflix!
That is good color! Makes sense that they have gotten better at uncovering these kinds of frauds. The whole thing is just bananas. But the documentary is pretty well done so James would probably like it!
DeleteWhat are you absolutely terrified of?
ReplyDeleteWhat is the food you dislike the least?
Are you still working out?
Favorite color?
Biggest pet peeve?
:)
What are you absolutely terrified of? Ooh, being badly injured, still alive, and unable to work (I am insanely over-insured for this reason). Also, cockroaches.
DeleteWhat is the food you dislike the least? I'm going to assume you mean like the least? Or dislike. I really dislike mushrooms, shrimp, and eggplant, despite genuine and repeated efforts to develop a tolerance for them. I also don't really like spinach, even though I'm supposed to, so I chop it up really finely when I cook with it. I also hate coffee. I've given up trying to like that one, but I still hate it very much and can taste it in anything even when people say they can't.
Are you still working out? Yes! I'm actually way back on the wagon and have been doing home pilates workouts in my room, along with HIIT and yoga (also in my room). My schedule is too crazy to get into a studio very often these days, but I'm trying hard to find at least 30 mins every day to move.
Favorite color? All shades of blue, from navy to turquoise to pale sky blue. And bright pink.
Biggest pet peeve? People asking me something they could easily look up themselves. Also applies to my children asking me to find something that is directly in front of them. I love helping, I hate when people don't even try to help themselves get to step 1 first.
I don't know when I'll learn to proofread!
DeleteApparently not today 😂
Lol, I can't tell you how many times I re-read draft posts, publish them, and then read it again now that the whole world can see it and notice 15 new errors.
Deletehow are you a handling it without your house manager?
ReplyDeletePretty well so far! I need to write an actual post about this, but our HM was absolutely essential to getting us going on this new way of life, with me working at the office (instead of our bedroom) and traveling so much. I don't think we would have made it through my first year and our two moves as happily as we did without her. Having her also helped us distill down what tasks really need to be done each week, what we can outsource, what we can't, and what fell apart when she wasn't around.
DeleteJames and I have had a lot of talks and he feels strongly about taking over some of those roles right now, especially since he is no longer coaching in Fort Worth. We may also increase our housekeeper to 2x a week to help with general upkeep (3 kids + 3 pets; it's just a lot of household traffic). James does the meals, grocery shopping, and gets the adult laundry moving. The kids always did their own clothes and have their own chores. Landon will be driving this summer which will help enormously as the biggest burden on James's time right now is getting Landon to and from swim practice each day. So we'll see. It's been a month and it's actually been really smooth. We've been more on the kids for their chores and more thoughtful in how we prepare for the week ahead on Sunday. Now that we're unpacked, have nearly all our furniture, and fully transitioned to Dallas life, it feels more maintainable than when I was working in Dallas, living in Fort Worth, and everything felt so far apart and tenuous. But we'll see!
+1 on a blog post on the house manager. As someone trying to navigate a demanding career and family it was really helpful to hear how you're kicking ass (and the help/structure needed to get to that point).
DeleteI'll write one -- I always struggle with those because how you "make it work" depends on about a BILLION variables as well as varying levels of privilege and I get very self conscious about that and by the end I feel like I'm rolling my own eyes at myself, but I also know that I have benefited *immeasurably* by the successful women I've looked up to in my own life to get details for how it has worked for them and then sculpting some of that to work for me. So I need to get over it. A house manager was not a thing I knew existed without my partner mentor telling me about it and I have no doubt our HM saved our lives and marriage in the first 12 months of my new job.
Deletegrand canyon vacations, you were telling us about your trip and stopped the day before the grand canyon, give me details, i think we are staying at the Maswick lodge, you were there right?
ReplyDeleteI did stop! I didn't really think anyone was reading them, but you're the second person to mention it so I need to go find that draft post and finish it! We did stay at the Maswick and it worked great. It is NOT fancy, but it was very clean and functional and fine. I'd stay there again! Think old school, classic motel. There's a dining room cafeteria that the kids loved and restaurants scattered throughout the properties that we ate at. We used the shuttle system to get around, but you can walk to the rim and several restaurants directly from the Maswick without getting on the shuttle which we appreciated. Have so much fun, it's beautiful!
DeleteI'm so curious about the process of outfitting the new house! It seems like you picked out a TON of new stuff so I'm interested in how you weren't overwhelmed by that process (maybe that's just how I would feel??) and how you decided on a budget. Hope the ice-enforced homestay ends soon!
ReplyDeleteI had help! I did pick out a ton of new stuff (we sold a lot of our furniture when we moved; we knew we were going to a furnished rental for 6 months and also that a lot of our furniture was overdue for replacement or upgrade. The girls weren't going to be in a bunk bed anymore, Landon needed a larger bed, I hated our bedroom set for at least a decade... it was a good time to start fresh). Before we moved I searched for interior decorators who would help me select items. I still wanted to make the decisions, but I was looking for someone to have a vision and cull down the internet and present me with options. I found a fantastic designer who did a powerpoint of looks and directions for each room (entry, office, living area, dining area, kitchen, upstairs landing, game room, master bedroom, and all 3 kids' rooms!). After I gave some feedback, she then did a presentation 2.0 with individual furniture options for each room. I selected my faves, gave a little more feedback, and then we got a final presentation with our selections and a spreadsheet of prices. I did a little more tweaking and switching out and then we started ordering! She definitely cost some $$, but with her trade discounts we saved more than we spent and I cannot IMAGINE how long it would have taken me to find everything she did. It was a perfect combo for me - I love selecting furniture and have a strong sense of my own style and preferences, but I just could not narrow things down as quickly as she did. It's been great!
Delete(Oh and on budget - I got a signing bonus when I came to the firm and I set that aside and gifted it entirely to the house design and furnishing process. I decided it was an investment in my peace and home life and it was worth it :).
That sounds like a PERFECT interior designer situation - I don't know that I realized that that level of engagement existed. I would have the same level of interest in having a culled selection sent to me so avoid starting from scratch. I didn't realize that their trade discounts would add up to even it out so much, that's awesome. Thanks for sharing!
DeleteOur designer had at least 20% off everywhere (Pottery Barn, Crate & Barrel, etc) and up to 30 or 40% elsewhere, so it was a significant savings, not to mention all the time she saved me. Highly recommend!
DeleteIs James still coaching?
ReplyDeleteHe is! He still has the swim school in Fort Worth, but it is being managed day-to-day by one of his star instructors who has been with him for years. He still goes there for training new instructors and to meet new parents at the start of a session, but he doesn't coach any of those lessons anymore. Instead, he's been expanding his remote coaching business. There are several adult/masters swimmers, and now a few high school age club swimmers, who he talks with weekly, gives sets and workouts for the week, reviews footage of races, etc. He really enjoys it and is looking forward to growing it more! He also does clinics for club teams. So still coaching, but in a different, non-daily format. After 10 years of coaching every weekday from 2:30 pm - 7:30 pm I think he's really been enjoying getting the kids from school and being part of that time of day, but I still think he should get back into competitive age coaching at some point. He's just too good at it. Maybe when the kids are older and everyone can drive?
DeleteI would be curious to hear how the transition from government to law firm life has been. I had a similar transition years ago, but I came in as an associate and became our firm's first long-term "part-time" (lawyers will know why those words are in quotes) partner. You seem to have a lot of travel. How much of your week is devoted to marketing as opposed to pure legal work? How are you managing to balance travel, client work and family life?
ReplyDeleteHi Beth! 100% get the quotes around part-time. I would be so interested to hear how you're managing that and if you feel you've been able to keep to your part-time hours and being compensated fairly. I've seen some women do it and it's tough but wonderful when it works!
DeleteOn my end, the transition has really been fantastic. I desperately missed being out in the legal community after 10 years in enforcement where everything I did was confidential and non-public and there's no networking or freedom to speak publicly without all the layers of approval. No one wants to hear from you when you're an enforcement attorney and I have loved reconnecting with law school classmates, former firm colleagues, etc.
As for dividing time - I'd say I'm about 50% business development, 50% legal hours right now? When I'm busy on a client matter, the BDV stuff falls to the side. I have associates and a BD team who help with talking points and presentations so I can still make any speaking commitments even when busy. I feel like I have about 2 years where I can have BDV hours that potentially outweigh client hours and the firm has been very supportive of that on-ramp.
The travel is a lot, but most of it is voluntary (obviously the client travel is not) and I plan for that to trend down over time. The balance comes mostly from me keeping the travel as narrow as possible, working a LOT while I'm away so I'm caught up and can be with the family when I'm home, and reaching out to contacts anytime I'm in their city so I can see as many people as possible in one trip. We pretty much live week to week and I give James and the kids my rundown for the week ahead on Sunday. Having kids who are older, stay up later, and communicate by text helps too. So far it's going pretty well and I feel like the family and firm are squarely behind me.
I'm getting ready to retire, so in a different stage of life now. I worked "part-time" until a couple of years after my kids graduated from college-both kids went away to school within a reasonable drive of our home and needed pickups for school breaks. Also, my out of state parents started having health issues and I needed to help them more. I had a very long driving commute due to where we chose to live, so that factored into the lengthy part-time experience. Since the almighty billable hour is the benchmark, I know that I could have made significantly more if I worked full-time or if I jumped from my medium-sized firm to a larger one. Has my compensation been fair? Probably not, but I feel very lucky to work in a field which provides higher compensation than many others overall. In terms of boundaries-pre-email (yeah, I'm that old) it was mostly fine unless I was handling a client emergency or working with a client that was not respectful. Once everyone started e-mailing at all hours of the day and night, the boundaries got tougher. Even now, as I scale back and get ready to retire, I find myself checking my work e-mails a zillion times a day. In terms of balance-I was a single mom for 3 years with no family nearby. We had lots of frozen pizza and grilled cheese/tomato soup meals back then, but we survived. Lots of time running back and forth between my kids' two baseball fields in heels and a suit! Once I remarried and the kids got older, things got easier. My husband got home earlier and did the sports practice runs and dinner prep. I used to spend part of Sunday grocery shopping and mapping out our meals for the week on a big calendar so that we didn't have to think about it every day. We hired someone to clean the house, too. I joined our neighborhood bunco group and joined a book club so that I would have regular planned meetups with friends. We made a point of planning family trips that were more far-flung as the kids got older-and I'm so glad that we did. Those are a few of the things that have kept me sane. You were smart to move close to the office-it wasn't until I started working from home during the pandemic that I realized how tired I was from the combination of work demands and too much commuting time.
DeleteHi! I'm curious if you use any specific journal to keep track of the daily actives when you make your yearly yearbook? I always wanted to do it, but got overwhelmed with parenthood that it's something that fell by the wayside.
ReplyDeleteAlso, do you mind sharing your condo you rented during your vacation in Belize?
Lastly, do you mind sharing the websites you've found helpful in booking travel? Flights, hotels, etc? I don't ever feel like I can find any discounts.
For the yearly photobook I go back through all my blog and Facebook posts from the previous year and make a running Word document of them that I cut and paste from throughout the photobook making process. Not everything goes in there, but I try to include funny stories or dialogue and vacation recaps. I suppose I could keep it running throughout the year, but I find it's easier to just take a Friday night in the Fall and go through the previous August-August to make my working document.
DeleteSure! The condo was part of the Grand Caribe resort in Ambergris Caye. I think it's actually best to reach out directly to the resort to see which condos can be rented. We had a 3 bedroom that was AMAZING.
I mostly use vrbo and tripadvisor. Lately I've been using a travel planner- Kaleigh Kirkpatrick at The Shameless Tourist. She helped us with Iceland and is planning Italy this summer. Going forward I think I'll keep doing domestic trips myself but larger international adventures I'm enjoying the outsourcing. With her discounts we get more than we pay and it removes such a burden from me- I get to be the surprise tourist with everyone else in my family :).
(Oh and for flights I use Hopper and alerts on Kayak. I've had good success there.)
I'd love to hear how you knew you were "done" having kids (if you did)? I absolutely loved your post about the decision to have a third a few years ago and I've shared it with so many friends struggling with that decision.
ReplyDeleteI had my third baby last fall -- we had planned on her being our last, but I just don't feel "done," which has been a huge surprise. I feel like there's so much written about the decision to start a family, but very little about moving past the having babies stage.
I love reading about your family life with your big kids and hope our life looks something like it in the future. Would love to hear your thoughts.
PS. I was so inspired by your family photo books that we FINALLY made one this past year!
(Accidentally posted this as a reply to someone else's comment, so I reposted here!)
That is a great question. I am always amazed at the people who say they were absolutely certain when they were done. I absolutely was not. I thought I was maybe done at 2, then we decided to have 3, and then I was certain I was NOT done. 3 babies was so much better than 2 babies then how could 4 not be even better than that! Had everything been in my control, we would almost certainly have 4 children. Unfortunately James had some serious health issues that required a treatment that meant he would be unable to have more children. And so that was that. It was hard for me, really hard at times, to accept that. I cried randomly for nearly a year. When a friend announced she was pregnant with her fourth it was an absolute gut punch when I thought I was over it. In the end, I am delighted with our three, but I also think I would have been delighted with a potential four. I also don't know that even if we had that additional baby if I would have felt that certainty of doneness anyway. It's hard to be done with something so magical. So I believe the women who tell me they knew they were done, but I can also say I was never one of them and maybe a lot of other people aren't too.
DeleteThank you so much. I also don't think I'd ever really feel "done."
DeleteHave you watched Emily in Paris? You will love the clothes and the shoes!
ReplyDeleteI watched Seasons 1 and 2 - it was perfect fluff, although I got annoyed at trying to figure out the passage of time, how long she'd be in Paris, and how she managed to pack all those clothes. But I don't think you're supposed to ask those kinds of questions while watching that show...
DeleteEmily in Paris is on Netflix,
ReplyDeleteMy daughter and I are going to Iceland! I am curious who you used for your food tour in the city. We only have four full days there (headed to the Netherlands to see family) and I have a short self drive tour booked with Nordic Visitor. Trying to decide if I want to add a food tour for our first day...I do like to eat!
ReplyDeleteHey Mika! I'm so excited you're going to Iceland! I actually don't know who we used for our tour - it was all booked through "Hey Iceland" and they used different local vendors. Every tour we did in Iceland was absolutely wonderful- the people were so knowledgeable and excited to share it that I'm sure anything you book will be great. We honestly ate better food while we were driving around the island than we did in Reykjavik, so I would just do some googling for the best private walking tour of the city and tell your guide you'd like to stop at some of their favorite food and pastry shops. I'm pretty sure the original hot dog stand is on every walking tour so you'll definitely get to stop there. We saw lots of walking tours going around the city and they all looked very engaging and interesting!
DeleteI have a question about your dog! I remember a long time ago she had -- ringworms? mange? -- something that caused her to lose her fur on her side. I see that it hasn't grown back. Is that from her old skin condition and will the fur grow back?
ReplyDeleteMaggie! My favorite topic. So Moose actually had ringworm right after we adopted him as a kitten. Maggie did not get it, despite their cuddles, and the medicine cured him right up. A few months later Maggie somehow got fleas despite being on flea prevention and us spraying our yard regularly. Turns out she is SUPER allergic to flea bites and her skin freaked out- she got a rash and lost her fur in a few spots. We treated everything but for reasons the vet can't really explain, her fur never grew back in that one spot. I feel like she's trying to match the scar she has on her other side (which was from her horrid conditions in the puppy mill; the vet thinks a dog bit her badly and they never treated it so it just healed into that brutal scar, poor baby, which is why her world is full of the softest fleece blankets now).
DeleteBut she thanks you for asking and hopes you have a great day!
Oh my! Poor Maggie and Moose! Thank you for satiating my curiousity :)
DeleteI’ve always really respected how you tell very personable stories about your kids while being increasingly respectful of their privacy as they get older.
ReplyDeleteMy question is whether you go back and edit/remove posts about them as they get older. For example, I’ve been reading for a long time (pre-Cora) but not since the beginning and I’ve never been able to figure out the circumstances surrounding L’s birth. (NB! This isn’t me asking you to share the story here.)
Thank you Therese! It is the hardest thing to balance, and I try my best to walk the line. Landon and Claire both read the blog now and love it, so I figure they're approving the lines I'm drawing.
DeleteTo your question, I have gone back and edited and deleted posts. Not too many, but everything about Landon's birth and early infancy, the occasional too personal post about James's parents or Landon's challenging 9-year-old year when he seemed mad at everything... sometimes I get it out, get some helpful thoughts or feedback, and then I re-read and think, this doesn't need to stay up. It's been a few years since I did anything like that, I think I draw the lines better now. Or I'm just older and wiser. But thank you for reading!
Hi! Love your blog and love this AMA :) currently have a 2.5 year old and a 1 year old - and gosh things are hard. My husband and I both work full-time, finding it so hard to stay connected during these years with young kids. Any tips? Anything you wish you didn’t differently in terms of marriage when you had younger kids? I really admire your relationship with James - you guys are truly partners!
ReplyDeleteHi Meg! First of all, 2 kids under 3 is SO hard. You are in the weeds and it's okay to feel that way and just tread water for a while in your marriage. We felt that way after Landon was born. There were times we went DAYS basically not speaking to each other - not because we were upset, but because we just had nothing to give the other person and any attempt at conversation was almost certain to devolve into sniping because we were just to damn tired to be human. And honestly, even with hindsight I wouldn't change a thing. We were surviving, we survived together, and we made time for each other when we could.
DeleteThat said, if there is one thing I could change it would have been to be more generous with ourselves in paying for babysitters or extra childcare so we could be and feel a bit more human. I was so concerned with money, I just couldn't loosen up, but I wish I had. We deserved some nights out WAY more often than we had them. The ways we did stay connected: we always hung out together when the kids went to bed. Cuddled on the couch, watching a show, running straight off to bed to not sleep once we thought we wouldn't get interrupted by a child... touching during the day, finding things to appreciate about each other and voicing them... I tried to always keep in mind how lucky I felt, how lucky I was, to have him, and to live like that was true. And when I couldn't, to trust that what we had was stronger and deeper than some bad days (weeks) and we'd be there for each other when we could be.
(And as far as being true partners, that comes from James himself, me bringing pretty vocal about what a partner is, and having roles we each fulfill that the other person just stays out of. James does breakfasts and lunches for the kids. Is it how I would always do them? No. Do I stay the heck out of it anyway and force myself not to feel like I should jump in when they seem behind and then be annoyed about it and throw it back at him later? Yes. It helps a lot for me to not feel like I'm doing all the things, so I have to actually not do all the things.)
Hello! I was wondering if there's anything you are comfortable sharing about you guys' relationship with James' parents. I'm a 2L right now - we coincidentally also moved from TX to Chicago for law school! - and we went no-contact with my husband's parents about a year and a half ago. I know it's a very touchy subject, but I've been itching to ask your advice for a while. Your kids seem like they're turning out wonderfully. I'm curious if you have any thoughts on how you've approached that conversation over the years. Completely understand if you would prefer not to share!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, thank you!! We think they're turning our quite well ourselves and it is so fun to watch them grow into the people they will be (something we realize more and more has less to do with us than we thought, but still, we'll claim a little credit on the good days.)
DeleteOn James's parents, for a while we genuinely weren't sure if and when they might be back in our lives, so we just kept things very open-ended. "They live far away, we're not sure when we might see them." As they got older we gave a little more information, answering questions as asked. The girls have never met his parents and Landon doesn't remember them, so they really didn't ask that much. It was more, "does dad have parents? where are they?" and we'd say "yes he does, they're in Maryland." and that was all they actually wanted to know. As they got older their questions got broader and deeper and so did our answers. When his dad died, it was the same. We always just share information and let the kids ask as they wish. "How did he die? Are you sad? Did you miss him?" and James answered honestly and openly. I don't think it's bad for kids to know that you can draw boundaries in your life that are healthy for you and your family, and that you can not feel torn about that choice, even if you wish things were different.
Best of luck to you- it's hard, but I think our kids are the least affected by it and we have no doubt their lives were better by drawing strong boundaries around our family.
Really appreciate the insightful and encouraging answer!
DeleteHow about a book review post again sometime? Are you finding bits of time for reading while also tending to the whirlwind of kids and career? The last one from a few years ago was great and I loved working through it. Nalini Singh is now one of my favorite authors!
ReplyDeleteYes I desperately need a book post! I've been doing re-reads of my favorite books and authors because it's comforting and easy to read at night, but I am dying for some new authors to read. Sarah J Maas is my most recent new find (2 years ago) and I flew through all of her series and adore them. I would really like to find another Ilona Andrews or Nalini Singh or Sarah- let me know if you've read some good ones! But I'll do a post soon.
DeleteAnother ask for as much travel information (including specific details about bookings, lodging, restaurants, etc.) as you care to publish! Your trips are an inspiration and as a fellow overplanner I love having those types of ideas to work with.
ReplyDeleteAlso if you care to share, how are you working on self-care for mental health issues these days, especially with all the changes going on in your life? Your honestly on this topic a few years ago, as well as the goings on with a few other bloggers I've followed forever, helped me admit to myself that I needed help from some professionals and medication is not for the weak (which I would never say or even think about anyone else!!! But for myself, on the other hand...). So I'm always interested in how you're doing. Thanks for sharing so much of yourself :)
Finally, for books, are you familiar with the literature maps to find similar authors? If you look up Ilona Andrews (https://www.literature-map.com/ilona+andrews), there are lots of great ideas, and I don't remember you mentioning Anne Bishop before, and she is one of my favorites that are IA-adjacent. One author not on that list is Tanya Huff, particularly for her older works, and Laini Taylor for her lush, romantic, somewhat gothic style.
First of all I have never heard of literature maps and I think you just changed my life, so THANK YOU. I can't wait to go explore them and will check out the new authors you mentioned. And thanks for the +1 on the vacation posts - I'm never sure if people like to read those as much as I do (as much as I like to read other people's, I mean).
DeleteOn the mental health, that's a great question! I am very much still on Prozac, I actually stepped it up a little mid-way through last year. Between therapy and medication I can now really see how hard I was working to react to things the way I wanted to instead of how my brain would sometimes tell me. My doctor asked if I still had to work hard at it and I said yes, of course. He gently corrected that no, while it's great that you can recognize when you're struggling against your natural inclination to act in a way you don't like, it actually isn't supposed to be *hard* not to and perhaps a slightly higher dose could help. That somehow never occurred to me, so I gave it a try and WHOAH. Better living through chemistry. My only regret is that I didn't discover the handicap I was working under for so very long.
I'm trying to make time for exercise again, which really does help in my self-confidence, but my anxiety is fully managed with the medicine and I'm so dang thankful because there are times that exercise is just not going to happen :). I'm also much better at setting my expectations of others and truly understanding and believing that I can only control myself and no one else.
So that's something of an answer! Thanks for checking in and big cheers to you for getting the help you needed too. It's been to the benefit of everyone I love that I am in such a stronger place, but mostly it's just such a relief to me. All the best to you!
I'd be really interested to hear how you handle alcohol these days. Do you drink at all? And if so, how do you keep the level at something you are comfortable with? Does your husband drink as well? The dynamics of all that are very interesting to me, especially with anxiety and medication and a high pressure life.
ReplyDeleteHi! Good question. So as I wrote a while ago, I quit completely for many months during Covid. I realized I was treating a glass of wine more like an automatic habit or something I'd "earned" at the end of the day, instead of a deliberate choice. It was a good reset that now has me ending my days with a sparkling water or hot decaf tea much of the time. I do really love a good glass of dark red wine or a super tart frozen margarita, so alcohol remains part of my life, but more of a deliberate addition, like I treat dessert or any indulgence. I generally don't drink during the week (too often I need to login and answer emails at night and I just sleep better when I don't) but do still enjoy doing so at a good dinner or social event. James stopped drinking 10 or so years ago. He'll have sips, and very occasionally a whole drink (he particularly loves something fruity and fresh and pink), but he found it didn't help his swim training and eventually lost his taste for it. I have phases where I wish I just really didn't like alcohol, since that seems easier, but I do and haven't wanted to cut it out of my life completely. But I keep an eye on it.
DeleteHi! Do you use excel or something else to help plan your vacation itineraries? I am trying to plan a trip that involves flights and then a long road trip but need help figuring out how to allot time for driving between locations, where to stop to eat, etc. I know you are the expert!
ReplyDeleteI do use Excel! But that's more to plan vacation ideas over the years (I slot in various destination for each break in the school calendar) and track the budget for each trip. I mostly use my little purse notebook to write all the details of each day and carry it with me on trips. Not the most tech savvy, but something about writing it out works for me. I also print any emails with booking information so I have a little folder of relevant backup documents for our journey.
DeleteWhere are you going? Sounds exciting!
Hi! I am LOVING this AMA! Two questions:
ReplyDelete1. Where do you get your tea? What are some your favorites? I love tea too, so always looking for new ones.
2. Do you have a link or name to your beautiful sideboard that's in your living room? I am loving it!!
Great questions:
Delete(1) Harney and Sons is my current favorite. I love their Special English Breakfast and Irish Breakfast mesh bag teas. They are so strong and robust and brew a really dark black tea which I adore. I also love how many black tea varietals they have and have tried (and enjoyed!) at least a dozen of them.
(2) I bought that sideboard on Wayfair 7 years ago (for my birthday actually!) and I do still love it. They don't seem to sell it anymore, but I found it on houzz which might help you find it elsewhere. It's very large and deep and holds a LOT of things and looks pretty doing it. https://www.houzz.com/products/crestview-circles-cabinet-silver-finish-cvfxr758b-prvw-vr~182797090.
Can you talk a bit about the decision to delay Landon's kindergarten start and how you feel about that decision all these years later, both from an academic and (to the extent you can while respecting his privacy) a social-emotional perspective?
ReplyDeleteMy boys were born in late May and late July, both, one at 36 weeks and the other a few hours into 37 weeks (thanks, preeclampsia). My May kiddo starts kindergarten in August (and is beyond ready for it), but I'm doing an anxiety spiral thinking ahead to what we'll do when my July 2020 kiddo is a few years older.
Hi AG! Sure, we mostly decided to delay Landon's kindergarten start because he was an August due date born in July and the fact he was a month early still felt relevant when he was 4.5 and we were making the decision. We'd also just moved to Fort Worth when he would have been starting Kindergarten (if he'd gone on time) and it just felt overwhelming to do so when we didn't know anything yet. So we waited. For a long time I felt it was pretty unnecessary and when it became clear he was socially and academically on pace with all his peers (including in the grade above), I had some regrets. Not strong ones, but more just, oh, we probably should have just followed the birthday guidelines.
DeleteThat said, lately I've been glad again for his extra months. He matured later, physically, and I can't imagine him being in high school last year when he was all small and wiry. Well, I'm sure he would have been fine, but for the first time since he started school I was glad he was a little older (the "little older" making him seem their same age, or even still slightly younger).
I'd also note that Claire is a June birthday and we sent her right on time and she has done fabulously.
Just wanted to mention that we've found your Southwest trip reports so fun and helpful! We took two trips to Utah last year (Moab - Arches/Canyonlands/Capitol Reef and Springdale - Zion and Cedar Breaks) and got lots of great ideas from your stories. Thanks!
ReplyDelete