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2. I'm losing weight. The pants I put on this morning, which fit a few weeks ago, were bagging all over the place. There will always be a part of me that feels happy at the idea of weighing less, but I really don't have the time, money, or interest in re-buying my work clothes, so I need to make an effort to eat normally. I'm a stress non-eater, I just lose all appetite and my stomach gets all angry and anti-sustenance, and I suppose life has been a little stressful lately. I didn't think I was feeling stressed, but pants don't lie.
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3. We've given away all our baby stuff. I'm still holding on to some of the clothes, and Claire still has her crib and changing table, but we sold the swing, jumperoo, and pretty much everything else before we moved. Every time we sold something I waited to feel sad, but I just... wasn't. I felt good, light, happy. I hate hanging on to extra stuff in general, but as those specific items left our attic, I felt a growing sense of peace with the fact that we're done. Or at least I'm done. Landon and Claire - those are my kids and this is my family and it's great. I'm content in a way my ambitious always-looking-the-next-thing younger self never imagined I'd be. Oh, I'm still ambitious, but I'm also happy to focus on the day, the moment, in a way I wasn't before, and our happy, easy home life is a huge part of that. But while I felt better and better about our family of four, JP got sadder and sadder with every item we gave away. His thoughts run along the lines of, "we made two awesome kids, we should make two more!". I'm not completely foreclosing any future possibilities, but I'd be surprised if Claire ends up a middle child. And a little sad we have to re-buy a dozen pieces of plastic baby gear.
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4. Claire still sobs (SOBS) at daycare drop off. It is ripping my heart out morning by morning. JP is taking her tomorrow because I need a day off from the emotional trauma. Landon, on the other hand, adores his class. I don't even get a hug goodbye anymore- I'm lucky if he throws a wave over his shoulder as he skips in to the room. Unlike her brother, Claire really would prefer to spend her days within 2 feet of JP, me, and/or (preferably "and") Landon. She's both 10x feistier and 10x clingier than her brother. As JP and I say, Claire is just more. More of everything- good, bad, loud, injurious... everything. Landon loved being with us, but he never preferred one of us over the other and he never minded being left in the loving care of someone else. Claire wants me, mama, all the time. Holding her, touching her, sitting next to her... me. And while it can be a little (lot) exhausting, sometimes at night, post-bath and pre-book, while Landon flits about collecting all his tiny plastic animals that must be in bed with him, and we're both on Landon's bed, silently watching him, our cheeks will touch and we'll sigh at the same time and we'll just be. And I know that this is one of the happiest moments of her day, because the whole family is in the same room and she's touching me, and it's one of my happiest moments too. And it's nice to just sit and revel in that.
Aww, sweet girl!!
ReplyDeleteLove the superhero sheets!
You cant access fb at work? That is terrible! I'd be trying a proxy site!
ReplyDeleteThat's sweet re being done with kids. Good for you. I am pregnant w my third but honestly think it'd be a lt better for my career to have stopped.
I'm sorry about Claire. It'll take some more time but she will adjust. Sweet pics in the post.
I'm sure this is way too obnoxious a question to ask, and I should have done it during your FAQ round-up, but...what is your ideal weight? (i.e., that you are happiest at.) I ask mostly because you look fantastic, and the answer would give me a concrete number to aspire to.... (In that vein, I guess I also wonder how tall you are....)
ReplyDeleteEh, after being an athlete with published stats, I don't find that info to be all that secret or personal. I'm 5' 9" (maybe 5' 8.5" at my last physical, but I'm not sure I believe I'm shrinking) and float between 135-142. I think 140 is ideal.
DeleteAww Clairebear! I get the sobbing drop offs too -- I can't put on my makeup til I get to work cuz I end up crying in the parkinglot at least once a week.
ReplyDelete"Pants don't lie" indeed... I'm a stress eater, so pants tightening is usually my first clue LOL.
Also, yeah -- I can't access anything at work but gmail. They even recently blocked Linkedin. I mean, who blocks LINKEDIN? Its not like I go there to "hang out" but if a classmate finally sets up a page and adds me, I click on the email. Nope.
You get gmail?! But not LinkedIn? That makes no sense.
DeleteAnd poor angelfish. JP said Claire didn't do any better this morning, but at least I didn't have to see it (though of course it's played over and over in my mind anyway). Sigh.
Have you read the new J.R. Ward Black Dagger Brotherhood book yet? It came out Tuesday, and I know you try to get them as soon as they come out. I just finished it yesterday, and it was real good.
ReplyDeleteYes!! I read it Tuesday and really enjoyed it- much more than the previous one. I was doubtful about how she'd handle Tohr with a new heroine, but I bought the whole story. Now I just wish we could get to the Blay/Qhuinn story already. I wonder who is next.
DeleteOne of my boys, who is almost 5, still prefers me over anyone, including his daddy. When I do preschool drop-off, after almost two years of him at the same school, he finally goes in without tears. However, leaving him in the loving care of anyone, including his daddy, usually ends in sobs and desperate requests for me to stay home and send someone else wherever I'm going. It doesn't get easier.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, I'm not convinced his brothers even notice if I'm around or not.
Good for you on getting rid of the baby stuff. We had only planned on two kids, but were blessed with three when I found out I was pregnant with triplets. Our family is more complete than we ever expected it to be, but I do find myself wondering on occasion how different life would be with two kids instead of the third.
Don't worry Liv, all that plastic stuff will be recalled by the time you need it anyway!
ReplyDeleteE is clingy like Claire too. Every time you describe her, you could be describing E. I always knew I wanted 3 babies, but it took a while for me to be ready for #3. Now that I have her, I can say (1) life was (waaay) easier with 2 kids and (2) #3 is so awesome. I am done. I think... But the thing is, being divorced, I could meet someone who wants a child. I'm not SO done that I can say that I would not consider it, but for the first time in my life I don't feel that urge. I see pregnant women and think, poor thing, she looks really uncomfortable. I see newborns and think, you look like a lot of work. I don't get those longing twinges like I had since I was 22. I haven't felt them for a single day since E was born. On the other hand, I'm getting to the point where I probably should get rid of baby stuff and I'm putting it off. The whole idea of getting rid of it and admitting that I'm done is hard. So it does sound like you're done. Of course, you never know what the future holds, but not feeling any sadness when getting rid of baby things is a very good sign.
ReplyDelete