I left work last night in a ridiculously good mood. There was no real reason for it. My day had been fine, busy and productive, with a highlight being my 1.5 hour early lunch spent with JP buying gifts for the four foster children our kids' daycare classes "adopted" for Christmas. I was looking forward to picking up a Costco pizza and decorting our tree with the kids, but not even that fun little action item could explain why I was singing to myself in the elevator and smiling almost stupidly as I drove down the highway. Three separate co-workers even commented on my apparent bliss. I was just really happy, and I've felt that way about 90% of the time for the past several months. No real reason, just an overall feeling of satisfaction with my life right now. The kids, my job, my husband- it's all really good. Yes, it would be nice if JP found a job so that our double daycare and double loan payments weren't quite so crippling, and it would be great if my mother-in-law was acting somewhat normally (even normal for her would be good), and I really wish we could afford to take the winter vacation we planned back when we thought having both of us out of grad school would mean we'd have more money (false). But none of that is too big of a deal- or maybe some of it is, but I'm at peace with it. In fact, life feels so generally, tremendously good that lately I find myself smiling even when I'm sitting alone in my office.
So after ruminating on all this wonderfulness as I was falling asleep last night, Life decided to slap me upside the head at about 4:00 this morning. Claire woke up wailing at 3:30 a.m. She normally sleeps a solid 12 hours at night, but she's on her third ear infection and likes to wake up to tell us about it. JP went up to pat her back and sing to her and she settled back down. Ten minutes after he was back in bed, she started crying again. This time I trudged upstairs to find her wide awake, so I decided to take her down to the living room to rock with her a bit. I'd rather be sleeping, but there's something quite wonderful about rocking your cuddly baby in a dark, quiet house (at least it's wonderful when it's rare). But then, on our way down the stairs, I slipped and my heart jumped to somewhere in my head. Claire and I fell forward together, down several stairs until she fell out of my hands and landed face first on our landing (luckily by then, it was only a foot or two to fall for her). I screamed, my foot hurt like hell, and Claire was shrieking her head off. JP ran out of the bedroom looking panicked, but five minutes later, all was fine. Claire was sucking furiously on a bottle, with a little bit of blood trickling from her nose and menacing glare in her eyes as she stared at me above the bottle, but truly fine (really, there was poking and prodding and double-checking, but she's fine). My leg was throbbing and I have two big bruises on the top and bottom of my right foot, but I was fine too. No one went back to sleep and I got to work at 9 to prep for our 1 p.m. telephone hearing thinking, holy crap, I've already been awake for 5 hours.
And yet now here I am at 3:30, humming along to the Frank Sinatra holiday station on pandora.com, looking at pictures of our tree decorating party last night, and thinking, life is pretty damn great. Apparently this month, you just can't keep me down for long.
(my absolute favorite picture from last night -- a Christmas tree post is coming soon,
but the pain in my foot distracted me so I had to tell this story first)
Omg my clearly still postpartum self welled up with tears as I read this. SO glad you are both ok!!
ReplyDeleteYeah I didn't want to be overly dramatic, but I also don't want to act like it wasn't scary- I was freaking terrified as we were tumbling. But it was okay (and we're okay) and we spent 1.5 hours cuddling together in our recliner watching the sun come up and waiting for Landon to come downstairs. Oddly enough, it ended up being one of my happier mornings because we had so much extra time together. Not that I'd want to repeat the early wake-up or the falling (definitely not the falling).
ReplyDeleteOMG, that Santa baby is ridiculously cute.
ReplyDeleteI think when we parents fall with our children in arms - horrifying! - we reveal ourselves to be the amazing selfless creatures that we are, and end up hurting ourselves way worse in our efforts to shield the beab from the fall. So, way to sacrifice that ankle!
I feel you on the crippling-ness of pennilessness. We both went to grad school to get good jobs and make our way, and then the recession hits right as the husband graduates. It's so unfair. The sacrifices we made were planned out with an alternate set of conditions in mind - i.e., that the years out of the job market and the loans were worthwhile bc they would yield great jobs that paid well, and a good quality of life. Instead, it's just been rejection after rejection, bill after unpaid bill. I feel like we all got royally screwed so that some Wall Street dude could have a 10 foot ice sculpture and hookers at his birthday party.
So glad that everyone is ok. I love those days of pure bliss (well, except the falling down the stairs part).
ReplyDeleteI really don't want this to sound judgemental at all (honest) but I was wondering why JP is not watching the children. My husband is a SAHD for our two daughters- has been for almost 2 years now. Just curious, that's all
Hi Lisa, no problem, it's a perfectly reasonable question especially since I complain a lot about the cost of daycare and JP's lack of a paycheck. The situation exists in its current state for two, interrelated reasons:
ReplyDelete(1) He actually has a job right now (working for a start-up private equity consulting firm), and he works 0-40 hours a week for it, it just isn't paying anything yet. It was supposed to be doing so by October or November, but it's going slower than expected, so he is actively looking for other employment (and has been since November). So back when the daycare year started in August, we thought his private equity job would be a real job (and by "real", I mean paying, right now I consider it more of a hobby) in just a few months. He also does a lot of coaching in the mornings which he loves and which brings in enough to cover his loan and car payments. These hours completely conflict with mine so we'd need some kind of childcare anyway.
(2) He does very much want a career and doesn't want to stay home, so we didn't want to pull the kids out of daycare for what will hopefully be a short-term situation (of him not having full-time employment). We adore our daycare and it took nearly 18 months for Landon to get off the waiting list. So short of an absolute committment on the part of JP to stay home for the next 3-5 years, I'm not taking them out of their spot in those classrooms. And even then, I think we'd try to find a way to keep them there on some sort of reduced schedule (which would pretty much be the situation we have now, with JP doing late drop-offs and early pick-ups and coaching swim lessons in between). I know everyone has different experiences, but for us, our neighborhood daycare is one of the most positive things in our life and I'd hate to lose it.
(I should also note that I can see JP being a part-time SAHD when the kids are older. Working part-time at whatever he's doing in the future and then being there when the kids come home from school so we don't have after-school care. He'd be so good at it. But while he's awesome with the kids now, the baby phase is really not his forte and I think both he and Claire are happier with her in the warm embrace of the neighborhood infant room with her three baby-obsessed teachers :) (or so I remind myself every time I grind my teeth at the daycare debit from our bank account on the 3rd of each month)
ReplyDeleteI actually gasped out loud when I read that you fell! Oh my goodness! I'm glad everything was okay in the end.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you're both OK. That is so terrifying!
ReplyDeleteThat is my worst nightmare every time I carry a child down my sister's stairs. You just reminded me why I'm glad sometimes I live in a 1200 sq foot one floor ranch.
ReplyDeleteGlad all is well!
When the Blue Jay was a few weeks (no more than a month) old, I was carrying her in my arms while I went to deposit a dirty diaper in the trash. Somehow she managed to flip over the top of my shoulder and fall behind me. I was never so scared in my life, I whirled around and while she literally somersaulted, I managed to catch her before she hit the floor. A moment of daad silence (no one else was home) and then she started screaming at the top of her lungs. My legs went completely weak and I crumpled to the floor, holding her. I had serious trouble making it to a chair to sit down while I tried to comfort her after that. It all happened in slow mo (first and only time in my life have I ever experienced that) and was absolutely terrifying so I can imagine how you felt. So glad to hear Mom and baby are (almost) well.
ReplyDeleteOne of my biggest fears was falling down the stairs while holding one of my babies. Not unreasonable since I have falled several times empty-handed (once while pregnant. Sigh)
ReplyDeleteI gasped out loud while reading this! Glad everyone is okay!
The falling made me gasp, it is definitely one of my worst fears! Glad you are both okay (although the blood would have scared me, and I probably would have taken her to the pedi in the am just to get double checked).
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you are both ok! We have stairs in our house with a turn in them, so the stairs get narrow and triangle-shaped at that point, and I get so nervous carrying my baby down them. Especially as the basement floor at the bottom of the stairs is just concrete. It really is terrifying, and I'm so glad you two weren't badly hurt.
ReplyDeleteHilary