I took a pregnancy test this morning. We are not trying to get pregnant, so even though I was five days late, it hadn't occurred to me until last night that "holy shit I might be pregnant." (It occurred to me just like that.) Unlike some of the other months where I thought there was a possibility, this was not a happy or hopeful "holy shit I might be pregnant" moment.
My due date would be June 8, or maybe a few days earlier. I had Landon 5 weeks early and it's quite likely this next baby would be a little early as well (and given that my 35-weeker was 7 lbs 7 oz, that's probably a good thing). I have a trial in May. JP graduates May 22. My best friend is getting married May 25 and I'm supposed to be a bridesmaid. My mom will be out of the state for a month to complete her graduate program in June. JP's swim school will be very busy. July could work- in fact, we planned to really start trying in a few months and were hoping for a Fall/Winter baby. I went to sleep feeling nervous, but ultimately thinking my period would come in the morning. I had no pregnancy symptoms and we hadn't been trying! We'd specifically avoided unprotected sex on the days we were supposed to! Please no, not this month.
I took the test right after Landon woke up at 7:30. The second line showed up immediately. I blinked at it for a minute or two and then walked out to the kitchen where JP was sleepily handing Landon his milk to tell him the news.
Me, without preamble:
I'm pregnant.
JP, almost pleading:
I just woke up.
Me:
Me too!
...
Me:
My hands are shaking.
JP:
You're not really pregnant. Are you?
Me:
Yep.
JP:
Oh shit.
Me:
Yep.
JP:
Let's go back to bed.
So we did. Landon was in his high chair with a cup of milk, bowl of dry cheerios, and Thomas queued up on the DVR. I figured we had 25-30 minutes before he called to get out of his chair.
JP, trying to be the calm/happy one:
This is good. It's going to be okay.
We're going to have another Landon!
Me:
I'm still in holy shit mode. -- Wait, another Landon?
You remember that we barely survived Landon, right?
JP:
Yeah, but that won't happen again, the pediatrician promised.
Me:
I'm not excited. Why am I not excited?
JP:
It'll happen, you're just surprised.
So... we're going to have a baby in 8 months.
Me:
Yep, you're going to be a father of two by June 8.
JP:
Holy shit.
Me:
Nope, it's still my turn to be the one freaking out.
[Silence]
Me:
You know that I'm totally going to blog about your resigned "I just woke up" response to my pregnancy announcement.
JP:
Well, it was the first thing that came to mind.
Landon started calling for us a few minutes later, so I got up to head to work for a few hours to work on a Motion that refuses to write itself. And now I'm at work, still freaking out, but getting ever so slightly more excited. The timing is still bad. Really, really bad. There's never a perfect time, but some are better than others and late May/early June is BAD.
But I just ordered Landon a "big brother" t-shirt, and if I can't yet be excited for myself, I'm very excited for him. I think he's going to be an awesome big brother. He loves his pets and his daycare friends and even the random babies we see at the Mall, I think he's going to love having a baby sibling. I'm excited for us as a family, I'm excited to have a second child. I'm just not quite yet excited about having a second child 8 months from right now.
Although, when I walked out to the car this morning, JP said, "have a good day, mother of my two children!" And I have to admit, that made me smile.
My first baby was a total surprise. My husband had a 6 month research trip to Brazil planned, and the due date was right in the middle of it. He had to take this trip to finish his PhD. Also, we had just bought a puppy. And we hadn't even been married a year!!! I threw up when I found out. I freaked out. I cried.
ReplyDeleteWe worked it out! You will, too. I spent the bulk of my pregnancy alone while my husband took his (much shortened) trip early. He was supposed to go back after the babe was born to finish up - but he never did! He loved Jack too much. :)
Congrats on your pregnancy! How have you managed to use the rhythm method so successfully for so long?! Share your knowledge!! (-:
ReplyDeleteThanks Anon! And no, we definitely did not rely on the rhythm method for long as we obviously aren't very good at it. I had the Mirena IUD from when Landon was 6 weeks old until a few months ago. I had it taken out at my last OB visit because I thought we'd start trying somewhere in the near future. Then we decided not to so we relied on a combo of condoms and avoidance of certain days. Although it turns out I must not ovulate on the days I'm supposed to since there's no way I got pregnant when the magical fertility chart says I should have.
ReplyDeleteAs I said, we're not very good at it :)
LL, That is very close to what it was like for me when I found out about #2. Actually #1 wasn't planned either, but I had been planning to try in the near future so my reaction was joy right away (mixed with the oh sh*t feeling that I think everyone gets with a positive test LOL).
ReplyDeleteWhen I found out with #2, my periods were still not regular post #1 (I had only had 1 period and I was breastfeeding). One day, my boobs felt weird and I took a test and I was pregnant. My older daughter was only 10 months old. Needless to say, I freaked out and it took me a good 48 hours to move from panic to happiness. I ended up being due right after the bar (luckily). Although she wasn't timed perfectly, I couldn't imagine life without #2.
My husband and I are looking forward to getting pregnant on purpose for once!