How did I end up in this mess?

As I sat here at my library table, reading last week's assignments for environmental law, falling further behind in M&A and Legal Profession, and having still not started my two papers, I started thinking about how I ended up in law school at all.

Four years ago I would have told you, with absolute certainty, that I was going to medical school. I had wanted to be a doctor forever - my doctor's set was my favorite toy and Curious George Goes to the Doctor was my favorite book in elementary school. I belonged to all the premed honors societies. I had completed all my prerequisites: biology, chemistry, labs (oh the horrendous labs), organic chemistry and biochemistry (the two classes which marred my beautiful 4.0 GPA, damn them). I was enrolled in an extremely expensive MCAT prep class. I was going to be a doctor. Until one day, in the middle of my prep class, I decided that maybe I wasn't, and in ten minutes I changed my entire life plan. I thought about why I was a liberal arts honors major instead of a biology one. I realized that while I loved biology (especially genetics, I miss Punnet squares quite a bit), the other science classes didn't come as easily to me as my liberal arts classes. I enjoyed writing and had always gotten my feedback and grades on papers. For a brief moment I let go of The Med School Plan and let myself imagine what else I might like to do. I was in a Philosophy of Law seminar that I loved and I was writing my thesis on euthanasia legislation and policy in the Netherlands. Maybe I'd like to go to law school... At the end of the 10 minute break, I withdrew from the class and left. I called JP and my parents on the drive home to inform them of the new plan. They were surprised, but knew me well enough not to try to change my mind.

I decided I'd like to be a law professor (yeah, I really didn't know anything), and my thesis advisor told me that to be a professor I needed to go to the best school possible, preferably one in the top 10. So I mailed back my MCAT ticket for a partial refund, paid the late fee to take the LSAT that was coming up in a few weeks, and bought a book of practice tests. The LSAT went well and my grades were good, so I decided to apply to the Top 10, minus Harvard, plus Georgetown. Looking back I have no idea why I didn't apply to Harvard, I think because it seemed too big. Although since I was coming from UT, which is usually at the top of the list of America's largest colleges, I'm not sure why I thought that mattered so much. Anyway, I was immediately rejected from Yale (like immediately, I don't think they even opened my application), waitlisted at Stanford, and accepted everywhere else. I had no idea where I wanted to go- I hadn't even been to most of the cities where the schools were located and I didn't have a single pre-law friend to tell me what mattered. Ultimately, I picked the University of Chicago because JP found out he could be transferred there over the summer. His company would pay for our move and apartment-hunting trip, which sounded nice, so I accepted my spot there and withdrew from Stanford's wait list (I can't tell you how many times I've thought about that during the Chicago winters). I had never even been to Chicago, but now I was committing to it for three years.

The rest is history (which from Nov 2006 on is documented here). JP was transferred, we moved, got married, and I started school. Sometimes I think about the fact that I'd be starting my last year of medical school this fall, and I wonder if I made the right decision. I still think I would have been a good doctor and I think I would have enjoyed it. But I think I'll be a good lawyer and I'll enjoy it, too. I've loved Chicago and I'm grateful for the opportunity to get out of Texas for few years and experience some place new. I don't think I would have had Landon in med school and given how tired I am of school and exams right now, I can't imagine facing an internship, residency, and fellowship after this. I'm not someone who thinks much about the past- I'm happy with where I am and rethinking paths taken can only stir up regret I don't currently feel. Things could be different, and different could mean better, but overall I think this is the right place for me. I like the law and I'm grateful for the way law school has changed the way I think, read, and see the world. I'm excited about starting my legal career and wouldn't change anything about our lives right now.

I am not excited about all the work I have to do before graduation or taking the bar exam this summer, but I think that 21-year-old me made the right decision when she walked out of that MCAT class. Law school, with all its stress and work and sleeplessness (it sounds kind of like parenting), has been good for me. I'm very glad to be done with school soon and out in the real world. And I can always go to med school when JP is done with business school and I've paid off the law school loans... Just kidding. I think.