Good Enough

Well my paper is turned in. It's not brilliant, it's not even scholarly- it's just 28 pages of "good enough". The "good enough" approach to school is new for me, and I have to admit I'm enjoying it. I had an epiphany during fall quarter this year- this the most control I'm going to have over my schedule until I retire. In a few years, when I'm surrounded by contracts and drowning in billables, I'm going to look back at law school and think "why the hell didn't I enjoy myself more?" I can leave the building at 2pm, I can go shopping, I can take a nap, I can watch Friends re-runs I've already seen a thousand times, I can even miss class- I have the freedom to do whatever I want with my day.

And I can do that because I've finally reached a point on the prestige train where I'm getting off. I don't want or need law review. I don't want or need a clerkship. I just want and need to graduate. I hope to enjoy law school until then and I always read and brief the cases before class (yes, I still do that), but I have a great job at a firm I think I'm going to love, in a city I know I love. I can finally let go. I spent high school getting A's and climbing to the top of my class rank. I spent college getting A's and getting into top law schools. Now, I'm realizing that I don't have to get all A's. (Well, it's not so much that I don't have to, it's that I'm in a whole new pool of much smarter fish and I can't get all A's.)

It feels weird to step off the path of prestige. I do have random (and blessedly brief) moments of worry that I'll regret not taking advantage of every opportunity available in law school to do more and be more. The writing competition for law review was the first time I've ever not sought to be recognized as the top. The day it was due I had a panic attack thinking that "oh my god, I should have done that and now it's too late," but it went away and I can honestly say I don't envy those who made it. A lot of them want things in their career that require law review on their resume, and some of them even enjoyed the work, but I don't, and I wouldn't, and it felt good to realize that and step away.

A good friend of mine goes to another prestigious law school and is doing very prestigious things while there and after graduation. We went to the same high school and were one spot apart in class rank- now I'm smack in the middle of mediocrity and he's at the (very) top of his class. We were talking over IM the other day and he asked me what it's like to not have that need to be at the top anymore. At first I wasn't sure how to answer- I'm not a slacker and I'm proud of what I've accomplished (and continue to accomplish)- but I ultimately said it felt great. And it does.

I have a new goals and a new definition of success. We're starting our family and I can't wait to spend time with our son. I love that JP and I now have so much time together we feel like we can just waste it in each other's presence. I love that I can spend a whole afternoon looking at baby announcements or bedding sets and not feel guilty. I love that I don't feel a crushing weight of stress about not doing enough- never doing enough- studying or exam prep. I still work hard, I still go to class, I still do the reading, and I still care about my grades- I'm just honestly satisfied when they're only "good enough".