Ummm, no. I've been asked this a couple times recently (interestingly, all by women who haven't been pregnant yet) and I've decided that so far, I'm really not a big fan. It's not that its been terrible- I was very lucky with morning sickness and everything has gone smoothly for these 20 weeks, but I've read and heard women say they felt their best while pregnant- that pregnancy taught them how to love and appreciate their bodies and roles as women. My body just feels squishy and completely unfamiliar, and I already can't wait to get the old one back. I know that this is a grand miracle and my body is doing a beautiful thing, but that doesn't mean I feel beautiful in the process. JP is very complimentary and I really think he means it when he says I've never looked better, but I don't agree. Maybe its that I'm still at the in-between stage where I look pregnant in some clothes and just lumpy and larger in others. And maybe I'm just not fully comfortable with my pregnant state. It makes me uncomfortable that total strangers know such an intimate detail about my life just by looking at me- it actually makes me blush when people comment on my baby bump. This is very strange because I think other pregnant women look great and normally I'm quite open about sex and other personal things. I'm not ashamed of my new shape, I just don't feel like a beautiful earth mother while trying on maternity clothes. I also don't like that I don't know my body anymore- I don't know what makes my stomach hurt, what triggers a headache, and what extreme end of the mood spectrum I'll be on 10 minutes from now. I hate having to watch everything I do, eat, and drink for fear that I'm hurting our baby and knowing that any harm done is completely my fault. I hate that other people feel that my personal appearance (weight!) and actions are open for public comment.
I wouldn't say I hate being pregnant- I'm thrilled about becoming a mother and I can't wait to meet our baby, but I definitely can't say I love it. Its more of a state that I tolerate because I'm the only one of us who can grow a baby. If JP could do it, I would definitely hand it off to him next time. I wanted to write about my thoughts because I almost feel guilty for having them- every website and baby magazine tells me I should be glowing and reveling in my bump (I should also be wearing gauzy shirts with bows over leggings, but that's not happening either). How did any of you feel while pregnant?
It may just be me, but you might change your mind in the next couple of weeks. Something changed for me when I learned my baby was a girl and when she started getting feisty and active. All of a sudden, I had a real human being inside me, and it wasn't just academic-with-physical-discomfort. I don't know how to describe it, but I am really, really happy being pregnant right now. It makes me feel a sort of peace I'd never experienced before.
ReplyDeleteI'm only 11 weeks along, and I understand how you're feeling. But I see Shelley's point too. At this point in my pregnancy, it's still hard to believe that there's really a baby in there.
ReplyDeleteActually I was going to add that to my post- that perhaps I will feel better about the whole thing when the baby is more "real" to me- when I can feel s/he kick, when I know if its a she or he, and when s/he is more of a bump than a lump :) I'm glad to hear you're having such a good experience Shelley. We actually have our ultrasound tomorrow, and we're really excited about that!
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping people won't take my post the wrong way- I'm incredibly excited about having a baby. I just (so far) haven't found gestating the baby to be a joyous, glowing experience.
That's funny, I had someone say that to me too. "So, do you enjoy being pregnant?" I replied, "Enjoy? Um... Well, it's definitely interesting." I didn't hate it or anything, but I'm with you -- it was more like a science experiment than this glowy, Earth Mothery time in my life.
ReplyDeleteI was miserable start to finish, never looked worse, and generally loathed the entire experience, except for feeling the baby move. Nothing beats that, but being pregnant is a whole lot of Not Fun. My mother, on the other hand, loved it and never had any trouble--all five times. Go figure.
ReplyDeleteI LOVED being pregnant up until my body started breaking down around the latter part of the 8th month...aches, pains, and just being large. With the twins, I suffered from PUPPP, a horrible skin condition from which I just wanted to rip the skin off my belly. With my recent baby, my left hip kept giving out. Lovely.
ReplyDeleteFeeling the baby inside is such an interesting, almost humbling, sensation. You alone are providing for this little being, be proud you're already practicing being a great Mom. The real battle begins when you have to get proper food into its little mouth later! Loads of fun by the way!
Public? Didn't you read in those pg books that a pregnant woman is public property? Watch out for those hands that want to pat your belly! Horrible. And yet, it gets worse when complete strangers want to see your newborn baby up close, gasp...even hold your baby.
You see where I'm going?
Would you feel better about how you look if you bought some cute maternity wear? Perhaps, new jewelry, shoes? Something? Doesn't have to be expensive, just different.
Thank you for this post. I'm thinking of pregnancy in just the same way - that sure, I'll do it, but if my husband could carry a baby I'd be flipping him for it. Nice to know that's not a crazy feeling.
ReplyDeleteCurrently in my 33rd week and hate it. Hate it, hate it, hate it. Yes, I want the baby. Yes, I'm usually a very nice person. And yes, I'm otherwise perfectly normal (not one of those disturbed people with severe mental problems or anything like that). Just saying....I hate it! I'm tired, I'm emotional, I'm hurting all over, I have no idea what's going to transpire one minute to the next (mood swings), and now I often say/do things that aren't like me at all. I snap easily. I've re-arranged things of importance in my life and it has offended some people so I worry about maintaining those relationships without sending the wrong message. I feel I'm constantly on stage trying to please everyone else around me. The frickin' dental hygienist spent 25 minutes blabbing to me about her 4th child and telling me all these things I need to do. I could politely ask people to stop doing that or tell them to back off a little, but that's just not who I am - I hate confrontation, then I worry I've made things awkward. My husband is as supportive as he can be, but truth is, he doesn't really "get it." After complaining at 1:00am that my stomach is cramping, he rolls over and acknowledges it and holds my hand....then he eventually falls back asleep. When he's awoken again at 5am by me still moaning in pain without having slept for the last 4 hours, he confusingly wonders why I'm still awake! Dude, it hurts CONSTANTLY!!!! Pregnany isn't just some quick come-and-go painful experience. It's constant for 9 months. And the only thing a woman can count on is that will probably only get worse tomorrow. And yes, I hate people who judge, stare, and quiz me in public about very personal details. What the hell?! Not to mention I have an incredibly obsessive-compulsive, controlling, bitchy sister-in-law who recently had a baby and feels the need to pass judgment on everything I do or say related to being pregnant. I try to brush it off, but honestly, sometimes it just takes a toll. None of my close friends are pregnant now (or ever have been - I'm sort of the first one in our "group")....so that adds a new dimension of awkwardness. Hard for me to sympathize on the phone w/ a girlfriend telling me about her latest date with this guy when, all the while, I'm exhausted and my back hurts and just want to fall asleep. Work is stressful as ever. I work with a bunch of other moms who constantly ask me about my condition (including my boss who tries to edge out personal info from me and how it might affect her business by acting like my best friend)...so I have to constantly be on the lookout for that game-playing. I also hate that very soon when the baby's born, it's not going to be "just mine" anymore. Right now, it's in my body, in my belly. It's mine, so to speak. And with all the intrusive behavior from others, right now I've still got "IT'S MINE" going for me. But the closer we get, the more it becomes everyone else's posession. I have anxiety about letting my baby be someone else's granddaughter, someone else's niece, etc.
ReplyDeleteI just hate it....all of it. I've heard it's even worse when the baby's born (for many of the same reasons). I just hate being pregnant. I don't feel beautiful. I don't feel normal. It's the single-most uncomfortable, embarrassing, stressful, painful, awkward, emotional thing I've ever experienced. And I'm not in a real big hurry to do it again - maybe never.
Maybe others are right. Maybe holding my baby the first time will change my attitude. But I've gotta be honest, I'm not holding my breath at this point. I'm spent in so many ways. And me writing this now isn't just a moment of frustration or weakness. I pretty much feel like this all the time.
And I have so many wonderful things to look forward to....post-partum depression, painful bodily healing after a C-section, letting others into my world to help me take care of my new child, shlepping around a stroller and diaper bags and not knowing what the hell I'm doing as a first-time mom....yeah, this is going to be a blast, really.
I hate being pregnant at well and avoid those who talk to me about how great it is. I'm 26 weeks. There's nothing fun about morning sickness, indigestion, backaches, mood swings,etc. I can't wait until this experience is over and I never want to go through it again.
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing this. I am 22 weeks pregnant and while I love my baby and can't wait to meet him or her, I really don't like being pregnant. My body is not my own and I can't seem to ever be comfortable. I was starting to worry that there was something wrong with me, but I think it might just be a personal perspective.
ReplyDeleteHi, I'm 18 and im 12 weeks pregnant with my first baby. i was just wondering if any of you woke up with pain in your stomach, not a throw up feeling, but just pain? i feel it through the majority of the day and when i lay down to go to sleep. im scared that something might be wrong with me or the baby. answers please?????? :)
ReplyDeleteAngee, I did not feel stomach pain like you describe. You need to speak with your doctor- they should always be your go-to person for questions and advice. Please give him or her a call, you should be able to speak with a nurse over the phone.
ReplyDeleteim 22 and on my second kid...i was so excited with my first one and loved every minute of the pregnancy but this time around, im not too thrilled...of course im excited to have a little girl but the more i thought about it and told myself that i shouldnt have to be obligated to feel a certain way about being pregnant, the more i realized that i hated it! dont let anyone tell you how you should feel now or how you will feel in a few weeks...everone is a completely unique individual and it doesnt mean you are going to love you child any less just because you didnt like the process in gettin that child...good luck and do what YOU think is right when it comes to that baby...you are mom and moms really do know best for their OWN child
ReplyDeleteI would have to agree. I'm 14 weeks pregnant, not quite as far along, but just feeling miserable. Miserable in the sense that I don't feel comfortable with my body and mind. All these changes, getting fat, moody, tired, what hell is this? If this is supposed to be one of the most precious times of my life, forget it. Don't know that I'll do this again. I want ME back. Don't get me wrong, I'm estactic about having this baby, and look forward to meeting him/her, but this process is not something that suits me.
ReplyDeleteI just found this post.....and I agree. I'm only 9 weeks pregnant, but already I'm frustrated with the "Have you walked all the baby stores in the mall yet?" or "Have you picked a name yet?" or "Should you be doing that? Eating that? Drinking that?" I so sick and tired of listening to what everone else thinks I should or shouldn't do. I've been chastized for saying the baby is going to sleep in it's own bed and not in mine.....That breast milk might be put in a bottle so others can help me feed the baby or so I don't have to pull out my tit in public.....That I'm not going to paint a room in the house pink or blue and fill it with baby furniture that will be useless in less than a year. I mean what the hell!! Who's baby is it anyway? Mine? Or, does it belong to the public? I don't like that right now even though I'm not "showing", I'm fluffy. I hate going to the same bars with my husband and our friends and watching them drink their beers and whiskey while I sip on juice or water. I hate that for some mysterious reason my sex life has tanked. Is it because I'm just not as attractive or is because he thinks of me as "mom" now? I don't now. I don't care. I want things to be back the way they were. I want this to be over. I want our baby more than anything, but I could definately do without pregnancy. It sucks!
ReplyDeleteI'm about 6 weeks now and I completely hate it. I am sick all the time, there is not one minute in the day I don't have the urge to puke. And I have so much pain in my abdomen because I had a partial hysterectomy two months ago and my body did not have time to fully heal before getting pregnant. I spend most waking minutes wishing I could be in a coma for the next 8 months. It isn't fair that so many of my friends had the glowy, positive experiences of pregnancy and I am too miserable to function. My work has suffered, and I am too sick to help my fiance take care of the house, puppy, etc. I was beginning to feel like the only one who has such a difficult pregnancy. Not that I'm glad you other ladies suffered too but it's nice to know I'm not alone.
ReplyDeleteI hate being pregnant. I hated it the first time, and I hate it this time. I only have 3 weeks to go, and it can't be over soon enough. I love, love, love my son, who is almost 3, and the love came the INSTANT I held him for the first time. He was planned, as is this baby, and I can't wait to meet our little girl. But I hate being pregnant. And I've had it easy. No real morning sickness, just a general feeling of fatigue and discomfort.
ReplyDeleteI'm a stay-at-home mom, so it's not like I have to get up and go anywhere. I mainly stay in my pj's and take care of my son. Trips to the grocery store or anywhere are exhausting, and I hate the way I look and the almost patronizing smiles of customers and clerks.
And just TRY being a smoker when you're pregnant. Not fun. I've cut WAY back, but can't seem to kick it completely. The looks and lectures I get when I'm NOT pregnant are bad enough, but try lighting up in public with a baby belly. At least I gave up beer.
But
I'm going on a 2 week bender after I deliver. (kidding)
My baby is moving, and its very exciting, but I don't like being pregnant. Call it as you wish, but it feels like i'm on a never ending period, without the period, most uncomfortable I've ever been in my life. And I hate when people come bothering me about what I should be doing and what they did differently etc etc...tell me how to make the headaches, hip aches, back aches, dry noses, and itchy skin go away, not the ten reasons why I shouldn't drink a Coke! I'm crazy about the baby, absolutely madly in love with the kid wiggling about inside of me...not so much with being pregnant though..I feel ya sister!
ReplyDeleteI am 20 weeks pregnant, and I can't wait until I am back to being me. I found out today that I am having a baby boy, and I am ecstatic but I just want this to be over.
ReplyDeleteI'm about 4 weeks pregnant and i hate being pregnant.I know this is very early but i have started getting nausea all day from the first week of getting period pain without the period,and it has been miserable for me,i mean some women only get any symptoms at all when 7 weeks or so,i got it from the (probably) very first/second week of pregnancy,i love the baby,but no,i don't feel glowy and beautiful right now.And time could not pass any slower for me.
ReplyDeleteI am 15 weeks pregnant and I hate it. Unless if woman has an easy one, I don’t know how and why would women do it again and again.
ReplyDeleteI do have a very supportive husband who does not drink because I can’t drink and who does wake up in the morning when I have troubles to sleep. But my sexual life is going down hill because I don’t feel comfortable naked in front of my husband and don’t look forward to go public when my belly will be big. I passed the worst part of morning sickness but still have a smell problem and eating problem. I’ve heard that later I could have other problems.
I count every day but days go by extremely slow. I don’t think I would want to do it again.
Well I am now 30 weeks pregnant, finally googled 'I don't like being pregnant' and am amazed (and comforted) at how many other women have experienced the same feelings as me.
ReplyDeleteNot that I can complain at all... I wouldn't know the meaning of morning sickness, and even at this stage, I have not experienced any Braxton Hicks (unlike a lot of my friends), but I still don't enjoy the changes to my body.
For me I have always looked after my body by feeding it well and keeping fit, but with an uncontrollable appitite, having to slow down my regular exercise and having no control at the rate my body is changing, it's difficult.
Maybe I'm not too good at sharing (my body) as although I am truly looking forward to meeting this little person who seems to be growing by the second, but I am really looking forward to having my body back to myself.
Just thought I'd comment as i feel like this. Especially about the bump comments and people thinking they can touch me. It hasn't even really started yet (I'm 16 weeks now) but I'm dreading that and planning to wear clothes that disguise it all winter long to stop this.
ReplyDeleteEverybody thinking they can ask about every detail and give their advice is really putting me on a downer too - I actually don't want to speak to or see people who I know will do this. And EVERYTHING has to be related to babies somehow. It's like, no, I'm not decorating the hall 'before the baby comes', I'm just painting it because it needs painting now. I'd still be painting it if I wasn't pregnant. I know these are minor bugbears but they've really sapped my enjoyment of my pregnancy and made me dread the coming months. And that's before i even get on to losing my abs.
Anyway, glad to see I'm not the only one.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
ReplyDeleteReading all this makes my day. Being pregnant is friggin aweful and thank god I am so done with it. My daughter is 19 months old now and the distance in the rear view mirror can't get further behind me!!
Nobody on here seems to like advice, so just take this as an um, personal story you don't want to live through k?
If you think you feel taken over now, just wait till that first three months AFTER you have ur lil nuggets! Ok, so I'm not preggo anymore, phew!! Right? Wrong!! Now your hormone levels are doing a juggling act, you are squishier than you will ever be, you feel like a marshmallow. You are exhausted, cranky, pissed about being fat, and let's not forget that your vagina just got thrashed to all hell. So ur thinkin, I need to check this thing out. I gotta see what the damage is. ABSOLUTELY UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES are you to attempt this completely futile and pointless exercise in stupidity. Think you feel bad now? Lol I garauntee you if you look at yourself down there within the first couple weeks you are gonna s**t a puppy. BAD BAD BAD BAD idea ladies!!! Depression takes on a whole new classification after that!
Good news tho!!! That thing between ur legs that looks like an 18 wheeler has clearance? Truthfully, I swear!! It goes back to its former glory. It really does. It just takes awhile, and by awhile I mean don't go takin a gander at it for a good couple months unless you have to for medical purposes. True story. And, do your exercises!!! Yes they work. Wonders.
Also, all the mothers that I know who hated being pregnant? Well it turns out that the majority of them are in point of fact the more fierce mothers out there! Go figure. Probably because we are control freaks, hence the intense dislike of pregnancy. One thing in your life, completely out of your control is the changes your body makes to create that life! Very cool, but very uncomfortable. Lol good luck everyone.