Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Fatigue

Yesterday was an off day for me and the Bar Exam. I didn't get to the office until nearly 11 and then I left at 2:30. I just didn't feel like studying. I read and re-read the same CMR Estate Administration pages, not absorbing anything, until I called JP to tell him I was coming home. He took the opportunity to go swim (unlike me, who hasn't done a real practice since I quit 7 years ago, JP still swims almost every day) while I sat at our kitchen table, staring at my outlines once again. I felt tired. I realized that since about February I have been in constant study mode. Spring quarter kicked off with four classes, two substantial papers, three finals, and a baby who screamed all night with persistent ear infections. When the ear tube surgery fixed one of those problems on April 1st, I had to throw myself into the researching and writing of those papers, and then the second those were turned in I was so behind in my classes I was panicked about exams coming up in 10 days. Then JP got really sick, we packed up our Chicago apartment, drove across the country, moved into a new house, went back to Chicago for graduation, and returned home with me behind in my Bar studying. I haven't sat on the couch without knowing I should be doing something else in so many months. I think I'm good about enjoying my life in spite of a looming deadline- about pressing pause and soaking up my time with my family and friends, but yesterday it felt like too much for too long; I couldn't see the great moments of last spring and this summer through the veil of constant pressure. I know I've made all these choices that have made my life difficult, and I'd make them again, but yesterday afternoon I needed to wallow in self pity while Landon took his nap. I made chocolate mousse, ate it out of the bowl topped with mini chocolate chips (the mini ones always seem so cheerful), and filled in my new planner. Ah, the joys of crisp new pages waiting to be filled in with a pretty pen.

I want this Exam to be over so badly, and yet, if I took it today I would probably fail. I haven't yet studied Secured Transactions, Commercial Paper, Consumer Law, Trusts, Oil and Gas, or Texas Property - all topics which have their own essay every year. The Bar is a rite of passage every lawyer has to take and I get that, I just wish there had been a little bit of time between the start of it and the end of law school. Graduating June 13th hurt when bar review classes began the third week of May- I'm just tired. Landon's molars are not helping. He woke up less than an hour into his nap, screaming the screams of an outraged, tired toddler who doesn't understand why his mouth hurts and no one is making it better. He was absolutely unresponsive to all my usual soothing techniques, Hyland's teething tablets, and Tylenol. I decided throwing him in the pool with daddy had the best chance of calming him down, so I placed my screaming, kicking, arching baby on the carpeted floor of my closet, put on my suit, threw all his stuff in a bag, wrestled him into the car seat, and took off for the local pool. He didn't stop screaming until he saw his dad splashing in the water. I stripped him down on the pool deck, put on his snazzy swim diaper and suit, and handed him off to JP while I found a spot for our stuff that was now strewn on the deck. We spent a very fun 45 minutes splashing, swimming, and watching Landon crawl back and forth across the baby pool. I've always found water soothing and apparently Landon does too. I took the rest of yesterday off, even snuggling on the couch with JP to watch a movie and eat more chocolate mousse.

Today I'm back at it and ready to push through to the end. One week from now I will be sitting in a room taking the Procedure and Evidence exam. I have exactly enough time to spend one day on each essay topic I haven't studied yet, and then half a day Monday to go back over the MBE topics before I drive to Houston that night. Hopefully that will be enough- I think it will be. And then I'll have the month of August to relax and enjoy my boys, our soon-to-be adopted dog(s), and our new house. Just seven more days...

14 comments:

  1. I can totally relate to how you are feeling! I'm sure the day off will help. Good luck!

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  2. Today was an off day for me too. I woke up at 7 am ready to learn, then by 9:30 am fell asleep because I was just so tired of looking at it all. Hopefully, I can revive myself and make something useful out of this day . . . One more week! THEN WE ARE DONE :D

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  3. Oh do I understand!! We are so close now though ... we can collapse in just over a week. And collapse is precisely what I'm planning on next Wednesday evening. For at least a week, with lots of ice cream, HGTV and sleeping at will.

    But you are lucky - you know that you'll probably be in Texas forever (or at least for a really, really long time). I may have to do this again in a year ... sigh.

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  4. I can't imagine how tired and stressed you must be. Hang in there. You are so close to being done with studying. Let me know next time you will be in Houston after the bar exam and I will schedule a trip down and take you out for a big margarita and lots of chips and salsa. Perhaps even some chocolate. You deserve it.

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  5. "Just seven more days" are the most important words of that post. Just plow through for seven more days and you're done!!! You can't learn anything when you're that tired and brain dead so you didn't really lose any time yesterday not studying.

    Also, I find it ironic that the source of your semi-breakdown was all of the things you had planned/done in the last semester, and yet you found solace in writing in your new planner with your fancy new school supplies :) A woman after my own heart!

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  6. You can make it! You are on the home stretch now!

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  7. In 10 days, you'll look back and this will seem like a distant memory. Hopefully this break was just what you needed to get through the rest of the studying time... You'll do great I'm sure, and August will be so fun!!!

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  8. what a crazy year for you! Everyone deserves an off day now and then- just think how close you are to being done!

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  9. Hang in there, the bar exam will be over with before you know it. I took the bar last summer and it wasn't as bad as I had made it out to be. Good luck!

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  10. Sounds like you just needed (and deserved) a break. I think now that you've taken one, you'll find the next week a bit easier to bear. Hang in there--you will do fine!

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  11. If it makes you feel better, I can not recall an oil & gas essay. I think it was part of another question. But, the Texas Bar does seem to love Consumer law and Property. This was the first year after they changed the model. Good luck studying. You'll do fine!

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  12. I promise I am in far worse shape.

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  13. Have you tried that pre-made cheesecake filling in a tub that's in the refrigerator section near the cream cheese? No?? Me neither - but the next time I have a day that you just had THAT'S where I'm heading....!!!

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  14. I'm sure you'll be fine; we all will. I'm glad to hear the real MBE questions are so much better.

    Just out of curiosity, do you know where any sample student answers of essay questions might be found?

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