Thursday, October 4, 2007

Scared, Worried, and Defensive

Landon's GI appointment was this morning. He finally had a full screaming attack in front of a doctor and she was duly impressed and concerned. She diagnosed him with a milk protein allergy and switched him to Neocate- an insanely expensive, bad tasting, bad smelling scientifically created formula composed of pure amino acids. She also adjusted his medication. I mentioned the popping noise in his ribs for the 5th time (I've told every doctor we've seen about it for the last month) and she set him up with an X-ray. She didn't suspect much would come of it and told us to go home after it was taken.

Right after I walked in the door of our apartment the phone rang, and it was the doctor saying that his x-ray results were very concerning. He had "several fractures with different stages of healing" and we needed to return to the hospital immediately and "plan to stay." My hands were shaking as I packed a bag and raced off to the hospital trying to think of all the reasons his bones could break so easily. I didn't even think of all the drama that was about to ensue...

JP and I are now under investigation from the hospital's social worker, the Dept of Children and Family Services, and the police. We're not parents- we're suspects. I'm freaked out about the fact that my son's bones are so fragile and they're all pretty sure it must be caused by abuse. It's the easiest (and probably most common) explanation for multiple breaks over a long time period. The detective interviewed JP and I separately. He was pretty gentle with me, but threatened JP with all kinds of stories about DCFS taking guardianship of the child if there is no medical explanation. JP is completely terrified (and feels even more like a suspect than I do) and I'm just mad. Why would they launch a full investigation before he's had a single test to rule out medical reasons? And even though all his breaks definitely pre-date Maya, they've already started investigating her. The police already went to her apartment and she's understandably freaked out.

It's so hard to answer the interview questions. You don't want to sound too defensive because that seems suspicious, but I know I've never hurt Landon and I know JP hasn't either. I was asked so many times out our stress level, how we deal with stress, how much JP is alone with Landon, if I've ever come home early when JP was alone with Landon, etc.- and I have all their cards to call them if "I remember anything new." This is so awful. I can't really believe it's happening. If they can't find a medical reason then he's put in a "safe space" until they figure things out. I just want to focus on worrying about my child- not worrying about whether he's going to remain in my care after tonight.

17 comments:

  1. oh my god, oh my god, oh my god - I'm so sorry you're having to go through this right now, and my thoughts are with you. Stay strong - this is so crazy I can't even come up with words.

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  2. Oh my God! What a nightmare! I agree with Meg--stay strong. I can't stop thinking like a lawyer, and that sort of thing won't help you right now, so just stay strong. Hopefully the doctors will figure out what's going on soon.

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  3. Oh my god, LL. I felt physically ill reading your post and am sending you all love and prayers. How awful for you and JP and Landon -- no wonder the poor baby has been screaming. There's got to be a medical reason for this, and I know you'll be cleared, but how terrifying and awful in the meantime.

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  4. I'm so sorry! I'm totally shocked and stunned that you're even going through this-- it makes me think-- what would I do? I think I'd react just like you!

    Don't they take into account that you've continued to keep in touch with medical care throughout the entire time, ER visits, calls and YOU'RE THE ONE WHO NOTIFIED YOUR DOCTOR about the weird noise that his ribs are making?! UGH!

    I'm very sorry this is happening-- you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers-- you will get through this I'm just going to pray that it all gets cleared up quickly and that little Landon heals quickly!

    (Is there any way you can get a second opinion from another health care provider?)

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  5. Holy hell! I mean, holy hell!!! I am praying for you -- a mother knows when something isn't right and good for you for pushing the issue about the popping sound with every doctor. I am so sorry the end result is not only the terror of this investigation but also that there is something undiagnosed with your baby. I don't know which is more frightening.

    **Prays**

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  6. You and JP are being such troopers, even as you're trapped in this nightmare. And Landon is a trooper too, poor little guy.

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  7. I am so sorry that all this is happening to you and JP, and that Landon has been suffering without your knowing why. I can't imagine what it's like to be accused of harming your own child.

    Please try to find yourself a good lawyer to help you navigate through this awful nightmare. We are all praying for you and your family.

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  8. Oh no! I am so sorry. I hope the doctors find the cause quickly, and that you are given the peace you deserve.

    I can't believe this.

    I second the motion that you should think of getting a second medical opinion - I'm just a little afraid that the doctors who know of the investigation will look for other causes with less enthusiasm, since they may think they already know "the cause."

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  9. my god, my god - i am so incredibly sorry; i'm not the type to pray, but i am praying that they find out quickly what has happened and caused this. so much love to you and jp - again i'm sorry.

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  10. Oh my god! I really hope they get everything cleared up quickly. I can't imagine how awful this must be.

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  11. Holy shit. Seriously. You want this kind of immediate protection of children, but I can't imagine how it feels when you know you're innocent and you're at their mercy. You need to print out your blog entries and say SEE! SEE HOW MUCH I LOVE MY BABY AND WOULD NEVER HURT HIM!
    I'm sure everything will turn out ok. It has to.

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  12. I'm sending you lots of positive energy.

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  13. The police reaction is just messed up. Anyone who saw the medical records of how often you took him in, how insistent you were on getting him in right away, and how often you visited him at the hospital would realize that you would at least need to be very lightly thought of becuase, ugh, this is not a bad episode of law and order! You guys are real and I am sooo sorry you have to go through this. Best wishes to all of you, and many virtual hugs. Please please please let this nightmare be over for you soon.

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  14. Holy crap, LL! How scary! No wonder he has been screaming. I will pray for you guys and hope they find an answer quickly and that the police lay off. Can you get legal representation to try to stop them from taking any unnecessary or extreme action (such as the safe space measures)? (((HUGE HUGS)))

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  15. I thought of exactly the same thing as Kristen, which is that your blog actually shows just how much you love him and have been worrying about his health - and documenting every single move. Don't delete a thing. I'm thinking of you.

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  16. Oh my God - what a nightmare! My thoughts are with you and your family. I hope the doctors figure out what is really going on soon!

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  17. Oh shit Lag. OK there is a medical syndrome that has this very symptom - I am a CASA and we had a child on the service who had it. Please know my prayers are with you and your husband. Damn.

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