tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3552008288188142238.post3319144991111059866..comments2024-03-27T12:22:20.528-05:00Comments on Lag Liv: Family Trees and Burnt LimbsLLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431706155081017734noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3552008288188142238.post-61311773435935288562014-05-02T12:44:08.684-05:002014-05-02T12:44:08.684-05:00"I love family and the loss of what could be ..."I love family and the loss of what could be distracts me at times." This. Thanks for your post. I'm going through something similar right now, and your words were a balm to my own feelings. It's HARD. Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16830618855524011936noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3552008288188142238.post-51959609429428246292014-04-27T11:03:20.926-05:002014-04-27T11:03:20.926-05:00Sometimes cutting off someone who is clearly that ...Sometimes cutting off someone who is clearly that detrimental to all involved is the BEST way to handle that particular issue. It is certainly the case here.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3552008288188142238.post-83292418805699511002014-04-27T08:07:23.674-05:002014-04-27T08:07:23.674-05:00Me too! My dad hasn't been part of my life for...Me too! My dad hasn't been part of my life for a long time - long story but it's not really important - and every so often a kid will ask where my dad is, and I do the same, say where he lives without editorializing and leave it at that. And they've accepted it, and so have I.<br /><br />The kids are surrounded by love, and frankly, so is JP. So you're doing pretty great. If his parents want to be part of that, they need only ask. But you aren't at fault for not chasing after them. Andreahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00122915943018117939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3552008288188142238.post-61809426579286161232014-04-25T07:03:00.310-05:002014-04-25T07:03:00.310-05:00I agree too - it sets a good example to say "...I agree too - it sets a good example to say "if you want to be in our lives you need to treat my children's mother with respect"RJnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3552008288188142238.post-11866636123867853942014-04-24T20:12:15.440-05:002014-04-24T20:12:15.440-05:00Having gone through something similar myself, a qu...Having gone through something similar myself, a quote that really helped me was: Forgiveness means accepting an apology you never got. Also: We are not responsible for anyone's actions but our own. My heart goes out to u both as we expect the most from our family and it really sucks when they let u down. Pisceanchickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06302096546389416679noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3552008288188142238.post-72352481946205379982014-04-24T18:15:24.110-05:002014-04-24T18:15:24.110-05:00I'm making light here but having read you for ...I'm making light here but having read you for so long, I know you can also appreciate humor in difficult situations. I know you're not much of a movie viewer due to lack of time/daily activities and you prefer books anyway but if you want to feel better about your inlaws, just watch August: Osage County. Based on the playwright's family, talk about dysfunction. Hang in there LL.<br />DesimomAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3552008288188142238.post-29470424672793003552014-04-24T17:22:52.624-05:002014-04-24T17:22:52.624-05:00Sometimes the strongest decision you can make for ...Sometimes the strongest decision you can make for yourself and your family is to protect them from people who will never be able to respect, love, or care for them in any way. It's unfortunate when those people are members of your family, and heartbreaking when they are the people who were supposed to be your caretakers -- who were supposed to show you how to caring works and guide and protect you until you could do it for yourself. Please don't be hard on yourself or your husband for making that decision. Be proud of him for loving you all enough to maintain it. Heidinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3552008288188142238.post-72612978030952037712014-04-24T17:16:56.618-05:002014-04-24T17:16:56.618-05:00I think they are setting a wonderful example for t...I think they are setting a wonderful example for their children. It's not LL and JP that are ignoring them or cutting them out. I think they are just not going out of their way to allow the negativity that clearly MIL has to enter their life. As LL stated in a reply above, all they likely need is just an attempt by MIL to move forward and let the past be the past.<br /><br />JLVAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3552008288188142238.post-89703251030880757342014-04-24T17:14:06.008-05:002014-04-24T17:14:06.008-05:00Yes, agree 100% with this.Yes, agree 100% with this.Wendyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06525067786712526522noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3552008288188142238.post-84524510219189110542014-04-24T16:53:30.791-05:002014-04-24T16:53:30.791-05:00And it does sound like narcissism plain and simple...And it does sound like narcissism plain and simple on their part. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3552008288188142238.post-25616031574458241432014-04-24T16:52:19.588-05:002014-04-24T16:52:19.588-05:00I think ultimately people don't really change....I think ultimately people don't really change. They are who they are. I like what you said about how they will never be the vision of a perfect family, and that you've accepted it. You have plenty of love in your lives and you are creating a loving, accepting, wonderful home and family for your children. Nothing to feel guilty about, only to be proud at the family you've made. Hugs. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3552008288188142238.post-40509519083655811152014-04-24T15:10:23.415-05:002014-04-24T15:10:23.415-05:00Agree with this. My grandfather cut my aunt out of...Agree with this. My grandfather cut my aunt out of the last 16 years of his life because they fought all the time. I honestly feel that sets the tone within our family -- that it's OK to cut family members out of your life. Others have followed suit, and now we're a fractured mess.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3552008288188142238.post-36933608039014900972014-04-24T13:13:41.433-05:002014-04-24T13:13:41.433-05:00It's hard. I can't imagine their life - ha...It's hard. I can't imagine their life - having no contact with your kids and with their only child. How terribly isolating. It's really weird they haven't made any mention of your kids in general. That's just... odd? I think I might take this as a sign though to at least open up some communication with them. Encourage JP to answer the phone when his mom calls and he has a chance to talk. Maybe if things progress, invite them down, but offer up a nearby hotel for all of your sanity for them to stay in. They may never take you up on it, but at least you know you've given it every possible chance. Jessicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02186368018428073809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3552008288188142238.post-31581009585881187002014-04-24T12:11:27.205-05:002014-04-24T12:11:27.205-05:00Remember that you are setting an example for your ...Remember that you are setting an example for your children. When they get older, you don't want them to see that completely ignoring a parent is the way to handle family problems. If you do it, they may find it easier to do as well. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3552008288188142238.post-28590595823336302012014-04-24T08:09:16.111-05:002014-04-24T08:09:16.111-05:00I have some similar dysfunction in my family; my s...I have some similar dysfunction in my family; my sibling refuses to talk to my mother (it's been going on 3 years now). While I think the reasons behind the estrangement are very real and need to be unearthed, explored and discussed, and while I recognize such thing take time (years) to accomplish, neither side has budged. As the default liaison between both parties, I see both of them suffering without the presence of other other in their lives. It hurts both of them, and it hurts me, and our family, and I can only hope one day both will have the strength to work through it.<br /><br />No judgment here of your family and its process. Everyone's on their own timeline. I read the following excerpt recently, and it made my heart hopeful that one day my family would heal. I would send it to both my mother and sibling if I didn't think they would each bite my head off. Maybe it will speak to you and yours.<br /><br />"If I knew that today it would be the last time that I will see you, I will embrace you strongly to be the guardian of your soul.<br /><br />If I would know that these would be the last minutes that I will see you, I would say to you "I love you" and wouldn't assume that you would know it.<br /><br />There is always morning where life gives us another opportunity to make things good.<br />Keep always close to you your dear ones, and tell them how much you need them and love and take care of them. Take time to say " I am sorry", "forgive me", "please", "thank you" and all the nice and lovely words you know.<br /><br />Nobody would remember you if you keep your thoughts secret. Force yourself to express them."<br /><br />This excerpt is from a "letter" allegedly written by Gabriel Garcia Marquez before he stopped writing novels, but apparently it has since been revealed to have been a hoax (e.g., written by someone else). Regardless, the sentiment hit home with me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3552008288188142238.post-14925533765510898912014-04-23T22:52:44.249-05:002014-04-23T22:52:44.249-05:00That's tough. We have something similar going ...That's tough. We have something similar going on in my dad's side of the family and it's amazing that even when you know there's nothing you can do and even when you've put it behind you, it weighs real heavy. Sorry you're all having to go through this.Paragon2Piecesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3552008288188142238.post-18218396712335440712014-04-23T21:58:56.015-05:002014-04-23T21:58:56.015-05:00I've been reading since Landon was a baby, and...I've been reading since Landon was a baby, and I think it's pretty safe to say JP's mom has a personality disorder... Something in the "Cluster B" realm (Histrionic PD/Borderline PD). I question how JP came out of that family as emotionally healthy as he seems to be. He must have a ton of resiliency in him. Wendyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06525067786712526522noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3552008288188142238.post-74641416387164589472014-04-23T21:41:44.387-05:002014-04-23T21:41:44.387-05:00My MIL is French Canadian and is a special kind of...My MIL is French Canadian and is a special kind of dysfunctional and stubborn. JLV may be on to something. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3552008288188142238.post-48987745217213864392014-04-23T20:21:46.055-05:002014-04-23T20:21:46.055-05:00So sorry to hear about all of it. I can't eve...So sorry to hear about all of it. I can't even imagine not speaking to one of my children for four years. Shameful and sad. You guys are right to not expose the kids to that kind of behavior.Beccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05156777853779141522noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3552008288188142238.post-86070710597943171812014-04-23T20:17:15.314-05:002014-04-23T20:17:15.314-05:00I'm sorry. Sometimes there is nothing else to...I'm sorry. Sometimes there is nothing else to say then this sucks. jodifurhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02436403330073542241noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3552008288188142238.post-1975129741509855952014-04-23T16:29:19.837-05:002014-04-23T16:29:19.837-05:00Honestly, after a year or so, I doubt an apology w...Honestly, after a year or so, I doubt an apology would have been necessary, but we did feel that they needed to be the ones to pick up the phone and attempt to move forward (and I was surprised his mom didn't at least attempt a call a few months later pretending like nothing had happened). But since they never did, we never had to figure out their minimum contribution to the moving forward process.<br /><br />As for nationality, his mom was born in Canada and that whole side is French Canadian and his dad is German, but from many generations back. JP is decidedly stubborn, as are his parents (apparently), but I'm not sure we can put it on cultural differences :).LLhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04431706155081017734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3552008288188142238.post-58627573975951881972014-04-23T16:19:38.884-05:002014-04-23T16:19:38.884-05:00I hope JP's dad continues to improve and that ...I hope JP's dad continues to improve and that it truly isn't as serious as "everybody" is making it out to be. I have been reading your blog for some time now. It is such as shame for your kids that they just can't apologize so they can be a part of their lives. It is certainly his parent's loss. If you don't mind me asking, what nationality is JP? Can their stubbornness with regards to apologizing be attributable to a culture difference?<br /><br />JLVAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com