- Palo Alto, CA: Aug 1-3 (prep of 30(b)(6) deposition witness)
- Seattle, WA: Aug 9-11 (taking depo of other side's 30(b)(6) witness)
- Palo Alto, CA: Aug 15-17 (final prep and depo of our 30(b)(6) witness)
- Somewhere, NC: Aug 17-19 (taking depo of other side fact witness)
- Chicago, IL: Aug 24-26 (interviewing 2Ls at UChicago's OCI)
Claire sent home with a fever yesterday afternoon. I dumped everything on my desk in a box and raced to daycare. We snuggled and worked fairly well together. This morning she seemed all better, so we called back-up care and had a nanny come to the house to hang out with her while JP and I had crazy days at work. I worked non-stop all day. I drove home at 3:00 to check on Claire and give her more tylenol for what we assumed was teething. She was super hot with a temp of 102.8. She was happy when I arrived, sobbing when I left. I had a 5:30 call with the President and CEO of our client, the general counsel of our client, the general counsel of the parent company of our client, and our 30(b)(6) witness. I was the only person on the call from my firm and it took four days to get all these people to find 1 hour of time to talk to me. I could not miss this call. I hated leaving Claire. It was the first time in 3 years I honestly felt that working made me a bad mom. The nanny was rocking and singing to her, I believed Claire was safe and being cared for as best anyone who isn't me or JP could do, but it just freaking sucked. I got back to work, shook myself off, and prepped for the scariest call I've ever hosted by myself. I got text updates from the nanny every 30 minutes telling me the Claire's fever was going down. When the call began at 5:30 it was down to 100.2. The call went well and I came home to a much perkier baby eating macaroni and cheese by the fistfull. She's sleeping soundly with a temp of 99.5.
My internal struggle:
I hate that I left her this afternoon.
I hate that I'll be out of town over half the working days in August.
I hate that because all my trips are during the week, I'm not actually missing that many hours with my kids.
I really like my job. I love that I'm getting the experience and responsibilities of a much more senior associate. I love that I've earned my way to a spot on the core team of a complicated, sought after case outside my usual practice area. When I am in my office, I am completely happy 90% of the time.
I hate that it means I don't get to sleep and my DVR is full of shows I can't watch and I miss my kids so damn much.
A friend asked me yesterday if I thought I'd go part-time now that JP was working. I was shocked she thought I'd want to. I don't.
I don't know how to reconcile that with the fact that I also hate the borderline out-of-control litigation schedule I have right now and I really really hated that I had to leave Claire today.
I don't know.