Monday, July 7, 2008

My Little Boy

Today JP, Landon, and I traveled to The Picture People in coordinating outfits for Landon's 1 year portraits. And despite Landon's preference for crawling around the room at high speed, and his indignant fury at the suggestion that he remain still, I think we came away with some good ones.

As we went through the photos I almost got misty eyed at how little baby is left in him. I love how fun and full of personality he is now, and I'm not a big baby person in general, but seeing him on the screen looking so "boy" made me a bit nostalgic for the snuggly little baby that he used to be. It feels like so long ago- I wish I had been able to enjoy it more. [End this line of discussions because damnit I'm tearing up again.] I'll just say that as always, he reminds me to savor the present, even when the present includes a Bar exam that caused a nervous breakdown complete with hyperventilation about an hour ago when I opened up all those other big books and realized how much is in there and OHMYGOD how am I going to learn all those things in 3 weeks?!

OK, back to my little guy. I will have more to say about him in the Official Birthday Post, but suffice it to say that I am finally understanding the depth of love and joy and outright wonder that lies in the relationship between a parent and child. There are a variety of reasons that Landon and my relationship evolved more slowly than most: the NICU, the investigation, the fact that what kept me sane and functioning during the worst of times- almost pretending that I was reporting on someone else's life, sticking to the facts and blow by blow accounts- also kept the emotions, both bad and good, from coming in. Of course I loved him from the beginning, but in an almost superficial, automatic way. I didn't know him yet, and then when I was supposed to be getting to know him all these other events kept him physically and emotionally at arms-length. Just the other day I was rolling with him on the floor and he was giggling his big full bodied giggles and I nearly started crying at the perfection of it all. At how perfect and wonderful and real he is, at how much I love him, at how much that terrifies and exhilarates me. The depth of these emotions are what I thought I was supposed to feel from the moment they handed him to me (for the 1/2 a second before he was rushed to the NICU because he was turning blue), but at least for me, they've grown slowly over the past 12 months into something deeper than I can put into words (at least without the risk of sounding like an overly sentimental Hallmark card). The Official Birthday Post will be happier and less rambly, but I needed to write these things down too.

And now, here are the pictures we had printed up today. A few are wallets so the scan came out rather blurry, but I think the adorableness still comes through. We also got a framed and matted "Quartet" for the On Sale! price of $99. We had no intentions of spending $100 on a single item, but they prepare these framed mock-ups for you and wow, they know what they're doing with those. This particular arrangement was comprised of four close-up pictures of him with all different classic Landon facial expressions. It was irresistible and it is now sitting on the counter looking for a home on one of our walls. They so perfectly capture him at the point in time that I think it'll be one we keep up even as he gets older and we have more kids. At least that's what I'm telling myself and our credit card bill right now. We didn't get any other prints of the faces, so you won't see them below, but maybe I'll take a picture of the frame sometime and post it. Here are the ones that will be sitting on my desk when I start work in September (the 3rd one is a family picture that is actually good of all three of us, such a rarity):









And so ends my last day of fun (besides his birthday study break on Saturday) until July 31st. Expect several bar exam freak out posts coming your way soon.

15 comments:

  1. What a handsome little man!! They grow up fast. It's hard to remember to enjoy every minute, but at least you'll have some great memories and pictures recorded on your blog.

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  2. What a cutie! I LOVE his little tie! My daughter just turned 1 on Sunday. I, too, love seeing her personality emerge but I do miss the "baby". Everyone says it over and over, but it's true--this all goes too dang fast!

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  3. He's a doll! He'll still have a little baby in him for a long time to come. Sometimes when my 3 1/2 year-old is sleeping his face looks just like he did as a newborn.

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  4. Those are great photos - I'm still having an internal debate about where to get Sumo's 1 years done. We're trying "Portrait Innovations" but if we don't like the results we're heading to the "Picture People"

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  5. We did Portrait Innovations last time. They're definitely cheaper and they did a good job, but I liked these shots better. The photographer at PI had Landon so low in some of the pictures and us so high above him that you only see his head on the bottom with our heads touching the top. Obviously that's just the experience with one person, but I wanted to make sure these were perfect and I printed a coupon offline (one free 8x10, 15% off everything else - good for this month) that helped make up the difference.

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  6. The little tie is KILLING me!

    MAN do they grow up fast or WHAT?

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  7. LOVE IT! So cute. And yeah, I look at Charlie regularly too and am overcome with a huge mix of emotions. Mostly "He is a little tiny PERSON now! When did that happen?"

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  8. Wow, what a sweetie. And photogenic to boot...but we already knew that. Love that tie.

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  9. I love the one where he's crawling and wearing a tie. Very J.Crew!

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  10. Wow, how adorable! Please take a picture of the framed one!

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  11. wow- in the last one especially he looks more like a little boy. I think I love the first one though- such a great photo! Well, they all are! Good luck hitting the books again- you totally can do it!

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  12. Great pictures!! He looks like a little man in his tie.

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  13. You should put Landon to work as a model for baby gap or crew cuts or something!

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  14. I love that first picture. He just looks like he's done *something* mischievous. Very cute!

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  15. Just wait till he's 4...then you'll really wonder where the time went. :)

    And how handsome!!!

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