Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Shit.

I was in the middle of writing a post about law school and how I hope I use that label more this year- because that should be the source of drama in my life. And then I came home to a message from our DCFS investigator. The one we wrapped things up with on Dec. 5. The one who said we wouldn't be hearing from again. Yeah, her. And she didn't sound happy. It was the tone of voice she used when she told us the indicated finding for JP- like she didn't like the decision and didn't want to deliver the news. She said, "this is Mrs. X, investigator with DCFS and I have a message for Mr. JP. It's Wednesday, January 2nd at 11:20am. Please give me a call back at ____. Once again, this is a message for Mr. JP." He tried to call but she had already gone home, so now we wait and obsess.

What could that possibly mean? Can they change the finding a month later, after her supervisor signed off on it? How much worse could it be after 3 months of no new breaks, with still no evidence of abuse earlier, with all those earlier doctor appointments, with even more recent doctor appointments, with a healthy, happy, and obviously thriving baby?

As soon as I heard the message my stomach dropped and my hands were shaking... I didn't realize how tenuous my sense of calm and security was. I tried to continue playing with Landon- making funny noises and watching him smile, but I just wanted to curl up in bed and cry. Maybe it's nothing. But I just can't think of any good (or even neutral) reasons she'd be calling us now.

22 comments:

  1. I'm sorry. :( I'm sure it is nothing! Maybe she needs a formed signed about the parenting class or something minor like that...

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  2. I am so sorry. That really sucks. They shouldn't leave cryptic messages like that. I know it is hard not to obsess but just try to stay calm. At this point they really don't have a leg to stand on.

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  3. Oh, crap. Not again. I'll be hoping it's nothing and that you'll be able to go back to business as usual soon.

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  4. That is horrendous! Don't they realize how badly they screw with people when they leave a message like that? I hope it turns out to be nothing, and my thoughts are with you.

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  5. Argh! I hope it's something minor--paperwork or something like that--and the only reason for the tone of voice is because she knows you're freaking out right now since she didn't ever plan on talking to you again.

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  6. I wish the nightmare label could be buried forever.

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  7. Have you filed your appeal paperwork yet? I am attorney who handles the appeals for the agency and I review all the findings. Maybe they talked to their attorney. We write a letter when we change the finding but who knows? Maybe it's good news.

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  8. We haven't received the letter stating his indication yet, so we haven't filed an appeal. It was supposed to come from the Springfield office 3-4 weeks after we heard the decision on Dec. 5. That's why I'm so scared the decision itself has changed...

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  9. I'll keep my fingers crossed and say a prayer. I'm sorry for all that you've gone through and *continue* to go through. It really felt like it was ending -- I hope that it is...

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  10. I'm so sorry. I will be thinking of you and your family.

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  11. Damn them, why won't they go away?
    These people give ME an ulcer!! Hopefully it's something simple like "we need you to fill out mounds of stupid paperwork so we can consider the matter closed."

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  13. sending a whole lot of hope your way.

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  14. Even if they haven't given up, we haven't either. Whatever we all can do to help...
    Hang onto each other.

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  15. Oh gosh, my stomach dropped for you as soon as I saw DCFS in your post. I'm so sorry. Good luck.

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  16. Fuck. Ambiguous voice mails leave them with all the power. I'm in your corner - hoping for the best. ~Nic.

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  17. I felt nauseous just reading your post...

    I really hope it's nothing and that she just has poor phone manners.

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  18. Whatever prompted this latest call, just remember that you and JP CAN and WILL get through this. Both of you have made it through so much already, and Landon is, in your own words, "thriving." There is no better testament to your strength and your skills as a parent than your gorgeous, happy, and very loved son. I'll be thinking of you as you weather the latest chapter in this saga (although I look forward to more posts about law school and pretty silver/pewter shoes).

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  19. oh, LL, I'm so hoping that it's nothing bad! And here we all were, just waiting and ready to have a great, fresh start to 2008.

    Crossing my fingers for you!

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  20. Hey LL-

    This isn't related specifically to your post, but I was thinking with the amount of traffic that is coming to your page since this whole saga started, have you thought about adding the Google AdSense program to your page? I saw a whole thing on Good Morning America about it, and people who have pages with high traffic have been pulling in quite a bit of extra cash that way. In light of the legal / medical bills that you and JP must have since all of this crazy has been going on, I just figured every little bit can help to offset the costs. https://www.google.com/adsense/login/en_US/

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  21. Oh no. I'm so sorry this is rearing its ugly head again. I am sending good thoughts your way and hoping it's nothing.

    And I cannot say it better than Gabrielle:
    "There is no better testament to your strength and your skills as a parent than your gorgeous, happy, and very loved son."

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  22. Oh, no. My stomach dropped when I read this. I hope it's nothing. I am thinking about you.

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