The Nightmare, Day 3

I woke up this morning in the twin-sized cot I'm sharing with the 6'3" JP and couldn't believe this was still happening. Last night was definitely a low point as it seemed that no medical diagnosis was going to be found and the reality of DCFS and the Safety Plan was crashing down on us. We still haven't heard anything from DCFS and apparently we won't until Tuesday because they don't work on the weekends and Monday is a holiday. It's a horrible state of limbo.

However, two things happened this morning that made us feel a little more positive. First, we met with yet another hospital social worker (not related to DCFS) and she was the first person to acknowledge what a "nightmare" this was and be honestly sympathetic about what has been going on. I reiterated my fear that nothing medical will come up and JP and I will be blamed for his injuries by default and taken to court. She felt confident that was not going to happen- in fact she felt sure there would be one of two results: (a) the allegation of abuse is determined to be "unfounded" and dropped completely or (b) it is still "indicated" but the reason is unknown and the case goes in a file somewhere in case Landon shows up in another emergency room with fractures. It doesn't go on our record or show up in a background check, it's just sort of on DCFS "hold" just in case we really are abusers. She was certain they would not try to take Landon. I'm not letting go of all my worry because she isn't DCFS, but she has definitely seen a lot of cases like this and I don't think she'd be so optimistic if there wasn't some cause to be. Of course we still have the Safety Plan while DCFS does their investigation, but unless they have actual evidence of abuse beyond the fractures, the proceedings won't go beyond that (according to her). She also emphasized how unusual it was that JP and I are allowed to be alone with him in the room- that is very much not standard procedure and it shows that the doctors aren't particularly suspicious of us.

Second, two doctors came in this morning that actually treated me like a concerned parent rather than a criminal. I told them that JP and I are scared we're going to leave the hospital having gained nothing but an investigation- we still don't know what's causing his screaming (the fractures are old enough that they shouldn't be hurting him now) or the breaks. They went back over the reasons that they don't think it's OI, but said the geneticist could come talk to us on Monday to investigate further. I brought up the possibility of Temporary Brittle Bone Disease (which fits so well given his prematurity, the lack of bruising or internal organ damage, his lack of kicking in the womb, and the fact that no other doctor noticed the rib fractures despite all his appointments). They hadn't heard of it, but sat down at my laptop and read that article and said they would talk to the head of the department and look in their own literature to find out more. They both seemed concerned about Landon's well being rather than JP and my guilt, so that was a welcome change. They also said they would talk to GI further to see what else could be causing his pain- he's continued to have screaming attacks in the hospital. Both doctors also emphasized that Landon would not be taken from us just because they didn't have a medical explanation. They said DCFS often fails to take custody of kids even when the doctors recommend it- and that doesn't seem to be happening in this case (especially since we have no restrictions on being alone with him now).

So we feel a little better, but not relieved quite yet. The people we've spoken with today aren't the decision makers. The doctors aren't on the CPS team and don't make the official recommendation and the social worker isn't affiliated with DCFS. I think they wouldn't be too optimistic without good reason, but the reality right now is that DCFS is still involved, as are the police, and there isn't a medical answer.

Landon is doing pretty well. He still has his screaming attacks and I think he's in pain, but he's on the Neocate formula, Prevacid for reflux, and Tylenol as needed. Much of the time he's completely adorable and has been dancing in his mini hospital gown. He's charmed all the lady doctors and luckily has no clue about all the drama going on around him. Thank you again to everyone for your support, research, and shared stories. They make us feel like we're connected to the outside world and remind us that most people don't think we're capable of hurting our child- a sad thing to have to be reminded of.